


The Pursuit Of Happiness

by MamaRamen



Series: To Be Alive Right Now [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 16:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaRamen/pseuds/MamaRamen
Summary: The increasing progress Alexander Hamilton expected goes awry when his best friend, John, gets jealous. It sparks the beginning of a list of events that has the Caribbean end up in some pretty bad situations. Watch his life go from great, to okay, to worse in the chronological Part 2 of the To Be Alive Right Now series.





	1. Chapter 1

It was January Eleventh, which meant it was Alexander Hamilton’s birthday. He didn’t normally celebrate it, finding it a bit wrong to throw a party on the death anniversary of the only family he had left after the passing of his mother; Not that any of his foster families ever gave an effort to make the day special anyway. This made it quite a surprise when Alex came home from counseling to find the dining room decorated. He stood in the archway leading into the room, soaking up the sight of mass amounts of balloons, streamers, and beach themed disposable dish ware.

“Happy birthday!” Shouted his friends and foster parents when he entered the room. Alex was surprised to see even Thomas and James had joined the festivities, excited smiles spread across their faces. After his initial spat with Thomas, the two had become decent friends. Alex wouldn’t call him a close friend, not like John, Hercules, and Lafayette; but the two shared similar interests in debate as well as writing. So, he guessed ‘decent friends’ was a good label for their relationship.

Alex realized he’d been staring in bewilderment at the room. He quickly cracked a smile, hoping it didn’t look too forced. “What is this?” He asked, taking a small step toward the table.

“It’s your party, silly!” Martha said, grinning ear to ear.

Alex could tell this would be a long day. He had hoped the day would pass unnoticed. He should have known better; Lafayette was famous for exceeding expectations on birthdays, according to their friends. It only made sense Alex wouldn’t make it through the day unscathed.

“You guys did this all for me?” He asked, faking excitement over what was to come.

“Oh, just wait until you see the den! There’s got to be around thirty presents in there.” John stated matter-of-factly, rounding the table.

“There is only twenty-six! I made sure I did not go overboard, for Alex’s sake.” Lafayette corrected with an embarrassed blush.

“You call that ‘not going overboard’?” Hercules teased, making quotations in the air.

Lafayette harrumphed, folding his arms. “Do I need to remind you what happened for your birthday?”

John, Thomas, and James laughed in unison. “Now _that_ was overboard!” John exclaimed. He turned to the curious looking Alex. “Long story short, Hercules went to Disneyland for the first time. All expenses paid, courtesy of Laf.” He explained.

Alex smiled, but furrowed his brows in disbelief. He looked over at Lafayette with the expression. “You took Hercules to Disneyland for his birthday?”

Lafayette shook his head in reply. “Non, not just Hercules. His siblings too!” He explained further.

Alex went wide-eyed. “How on _earth_ did you afford that?!” He asked in shock at the idea of how much money one would even need for that.

Lafayette giggled. “I had a summer job, and kept it all. It was not difficult to do; I do not have bills to pay, and mon Mère et Père may have helped a bit.” He said smiling proudly.

Alex was stunned. His foster brother didn’t seem the type to save money; he had always lived pretty lavishly, and Lafayette was certainly the type to blow through money pretty quickly. Though, he guessed if it was in order to spoil his friends, it didn’t really count as saving.

“Enough chit chat! Let’s start the party already!” John exclaimed.

 

* * *

 

The group was gathered around the coffee table in the den; Each person munching happily on snacks. Alex couldn’t stop himself from eyeing the pile of presents in the corner as they played board games, music playing quietly in the background. The game was interrupted when some French pop song came on and Lafayette hopped up to his feet to dance, turning up the music in the process. It didn’t take long for him to wrap Thomas and John into dancing with him.

Lafayette tried to get Alex to dance, but was turned down.

“No, trust me, I can’t dance. I’ll just end up looking stupid. I’m good right here.” Alex told them, John booing before the three went back to dancing.

There was something Alex and Thomas most certainly did not have in common. Thomas was a surprisingly good dancer, and it made Alex wonder what else he didn’t know about the southern teen. When Hercules decided to join in on the fun, Alex took notice to James still seated, bobbing his head.

“Why don’t you go dance with them?” Alex asked him.

James squirmed slightly, eyes darting from Alex to the group before looking to the floor. “I can’t right now.” He explained vaguely.

Alex cocked his head to the side, a confused look shot in James’ direction. “Of course you can, James. You don’t have to stay over here for my sake.”

James huffed softly and pulled his pant leg up, revealing a prosthetic limb starting just below the knee. Alex suppressed a sharp intake of breath at the sight.

“Osteosarcoma. I was six at the time…” James slipped the pant leg back down and leaned back in his seat.

“I’m so sorry… I can’t imagine how hard that’s been.” Alex didn’t have the words to express his knowledge of just how unfair sickness could be.

“It is what it is. It sucks, but, you know…” James trailed off, not sure where to take the conversation.

“… you can’t change it.” Alex finished, empathy deep in his chest.

James glanced up to meet Alex’s eyes. “Yeah…”

A moment of awkward silence passed; the interaction seemingly going over their friend’s heads, still preoccupied with dancing.

“When I was eight, I got really sick. My mama tried to help me get better, but I got her sick and she-“ Alex drew in a small strained breath. “She didn’t make it.” He said with a sigh.

James frowned, making a sympathetic expression. “Looks like we’ve both lost something due to illness, huh?”

Alex let out a disheartened chuckled. “Yeah. Looks like it.”

James smiled back, the two feeling comfort in knowing someone else understood their pain, even if just a little.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex had to admit, that foreboding gloom hanging like a cloud over the day had seemingly vanished. Having his friends so eager to make the day special, reminded him just how much he cherished each one of them. He’d almost forgotten the pain lurking like a shadow in the night; lighthearted banter and joy in it’s place. It wasn’t until everyone was getting ready for bed that he remembered.

It was around eleven twenty-three P.M. when Lafayette insisted they all spend the night together -A cot made of a combination of all the blankets they could find, two foam mattress pads, and at least ten pillows- in the spare bedroom across from Alex’s own.

Alex watched the clock like a hawk, waiting on bated breath for the moment it hit midnight.

“Hey Alex, do you want to sleep on the edge, or in the middle?” John asked.

“If you want to put me in the middle, that’s fine.” He replied.

“I wasn’t asking what you think we want.” John replied, quirking a brow.

Alex shrugged. “I guess on the end..?” The end spot would probably be the most practical, he figured. If he had a nightmare, that would make it most convenient to get up without waking anyone up. He didn’t always do the best sleeping next to people. Something about it caused him discomfort, but tonight he was hopeful.

John smiled. “Alright, the end it is then.” He said before throwing down some pillows on the far-left side.

When it finally hit midnight, Alex could feel himself breathe easy again. The day had passed, and quite happily so. Everyone stayed up gleefully talking about everything and anything, but when it got quiet, everyone asleep in their respective spots, that’s when things took a turn.

Alex wasn’t sure how long he spent staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come, but when it finally did, the nightmare came as he expected.

 

* * *

 

Hands. All over his body, covering him, touching places they shouldn’t, voices whispering things he couldn’t make out, and then nothing. It went black, then light, and suddenly Alex was walking up the steps to his Cousin’s apartment. His keys jiggled in the knob, unlocking the door and pushing it open.

“Peter, I’m home. Sorry I’m late, I was out with a couple friends-“ Alex stopped dead in his tracks. A body dangled from a rope tied to the ceiling fan, no, not just a body, his cousin Peter! Alex rushed over, tears beginning to form in his eyes, his hands trembling as he pawed at the body to get it down.

“No, no, no, Peter! Oh god! Please! Anything but this!” He cried, unable to reach the rope. Damn his height!

He rushed to the kitchen, desperately dragging a chair to the living room. With shaky knee’s, he climbed up and tried to undo the knot. It wasn’t working, why couldn’t he get his hands to work? They were trembling too much, and right as he thought he might have a grip on the rope, the chair wobbled beneath him. He lost his balance, crashing to the floor, and hitting his ribs hard on the ground.

Alex didn’t try to get back up. He curled into a ball, clutching his aching side, struggling to breathe, and sobbed harshly. “Please, don’t leave me alone!” He wailed.

 

* * *

 

Alex awoke in a cold sweat, tears sliding down his cheeks, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. He wasn’t wailing like in the dream; he was silent, the memory squeezing his throat tight. He sat up, breathing becoming increasingly difficult with every heave he made. He had to get out of the room, so he wouldn’t wake the others. He rushed out, too distraught to notice if he was being loud. He rushed to his room, and began searching for his pencil sharpener.

 

* * *

 

Thomas had a hard time falling sleep at someone else’s house, no matter who he was with; He always slept better in his own bed. So when Alex started to whimper in his sleep, he noticed immediately. He watched the boy toss and turn until he sprung upright, breathing heavily and uneven. He could tell Alex was shaking, and he _really_ did not like it. The moment the boy took off, he made the decision to follow, worry lurking in the back of his mind. Alex was usually a force to be reckoned with, fiery and ready to punch back. What could possibly haunt that asshole so much that he woke up shaking like a frightened chihuahua?

Whatever it was, Thomas didn’t hesitate for a second, in an instant knowing he wanted to make sure Alex would be okay. Asshole or not, Thomas would never leave someone to suffer alone, not if he could help it. He pulled back the covers, lifted himself from the bed, and followed Alex to the room across the hall. The bedroom door was cracked open, so he pushed it open the rest of the way, and what he saw sent a chill down his spine. There was Alex, sitting on the floor, the contents of his backpack spilled haphazardly around him. Blood was trailing down his arm, and hushed sobs wracking through his body.

“My god..!” Thomas accidentally said aloud.

Alex whipped his head around, and stared in horror at his friend standing in the doorway. He’d been quite literally caught red handed. At a loss for words, he tried to hide the arm, tucking it into his chest, hoping to god Thomas hadn’t actually seen anything.

“Alex, what are you doing?!” Said Thomas, stalking towards the boy. He knelt down, taking Alex by the wrist to inspect the damage.

Alex yanked the arm away, wincing at the pain. “I’m fine, please go back to bed.” He said with a sniffle as he tried to quiet the sobs.

Thomas raised a brow skeptically. “Yeah sure, you’re totally fine. Just cutting yourself is all, no big whoop.” He deadpanned with a hint of annoyance.

Alex clenched his fist. He knew Thomas was right, he wasn’t fine. How could he be? He willingly ignored the mandatory mourning he’d always set for himself, choosing to selfishly celebrate his birthday instead. “Please Thomas, just leave me alone…”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Listen Hamil-butt, I ain’t leaving. I don’t know why you feel the need to do this, but like hell am I gonna ignore it.” Thomas couldn't care less about the southern drawl making itself known. He held out his hand expectantly, frowning deeply, almost challenging Alex to refuse.

Alex realized Thomas was definitely stubborn enough to stay until Alex would follow through with his demands. He didn’t know how Thomas pulled it off, but the guy was both caring and hot-headed at the same time. When it became apparent that Alex wasn’t going to get his way, he slowly brought the arm out, keeping his eyes at the forearm. Alex didn’t have to look at Thomas to feel the discontent in his gaze. He could tell by the way the other teen gently ran fingers over the disappearing scars lining his skin.

“Come on, I’m cleaning you up.” Thomas ordered after a deep sigh. He led Alex to the bathroom, seated him on the edge of the bathtub, and went to work.

Alex watched in silence as Thomas disinfected and bandaged up the wounds with almost Martha-like expertise. Another thing to add the the list of things he didn’t know about the Virginian.

“Gil was always getting hurt when we were younger. Always climbing some tree, getting himself into trouble, standing up to kids bigger than him; Just a bunch of reckless stuff, y’know?” He finished off the last bandage and began reassembling the kit. “Of course, I’d scold him for being so careless, but I always had his back. When he’d do dumb shit, I’d help in any way I could think of.”

Alex found the courage to look Thomas in the eyes, expecting to see the same uninterested expression as always. Instead, Thomas’s eyes were soft, filled to the brim with sadness, staring back with deep intensity. “The point is, it doesn’t matter if ya’ll make dumb decisions; There’s folks in your corner.”

They stayed that way for a moment, gazing into each others eyes while Alex processed the words. Thomas was first to break away, getting up to put the first aid kit back in its place under the sink. He went back to Alex, a hand extended to help the Caribbean to his feet.

Thomas led Alex out into the hall, their hands still intertwined, and toward the stairs.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked nervously.

Thomas chuckled. “I don’t think sleep is what'cha need right this second.”

 

* * *

 

Alex was, ~~a bit forcibly~~ , seated at the dining room table, Thomas making his way into the kitchen. Clanks, crinkles, and the sound of the stove turning on could be heard as Thomas started to cook something. He emerged back into the dining room some time later, two bowls of macaroni and cheese in hand.

He set a bowl down in front of Alex, taking a seat beside him and dug in.

“I appreciate the thought, but my appetite isn’t exactly all there at the moment.” Alex stated.

Thomas shrugged, and pushed the bowl closer to him. “Just take a few bites.”

Alex suppressed a sigh, but grabbed the fork anyway. The first bite was okay, feeling a bit like mush. By the fourth bite, he couldn’t bring himself to eat any more. In truth, he was a bit hungry, but eating just felt impossible. He slid the bowl over to Thomas, whom was already almost finished with this food.

Thomas took the bowl, greedily piling the contents into his own. “More for me, I guess.” He joked. Alex watched Thomas eat, taking slight satisfaction in how happy the food seemed to make him. It reminded him of his foster brother, chowing down anytime food was in front of him.

Thomas caught Alex staring, and made a face. “What are you smiling at?” He asked, his nose scrunched up, and eyes narrowed.

Alex shrugged in reply. He hadn’t noticed he was smiling, not until Thomas pointed it out at least. “Nothing, you just reminded me of Laf, is all.”

Thomas chuckled at the comparison. “You’re not the first person to say that. People often tell us we look alike.”

Alex hummed in response. “Thank you.” He said after a moment of silence.

Thomas tilted his head curiously as he finished off the last bite. “For what?” He asked once his mouth was empty.

“You know… for helping me.” Explained Alex.

“What a time to be alive right now! Alexander Hamilton, thanking me for my generosity!” Thomas teased as he lifted himself off the chair and brought the dishes to the kitchen.

Alex followed him to the sink. “It’s not that weird.” He quipped back.

“Are you sure? I think I might have just seen a pig fly by!”

Alex gave Thomas a playful shove, the two sharing a giggle. “You’re ridiculous.” Alex stated, a smile unable to fall from his face.

“No, I’m just absurdly handsome and generous.” Thomas corrected.

Alex rolled his eyes and folded his arms. He grimaced from the motion rubbing his new injuries.

Thomas, his focus still on the dishes, felt a question needed answering. “What were you dreaming about?” He asked in a light tone.

The fresh image of his cousin swarmed back into his mind. It hurt like a thousand needles stabbing at his heart each time he remembered exactly how his presence in the man’s life ended. “My cousin…”

“Okay..? What about your cousin?” Thomas’s reaction was exactly what Alex was expecting. He knew for a fact the southerner was just trying to get him to talk about his problems. That was so like Thomas to confront the issue head-on.

“He killed himself.” Alex replied. Sure, he could play Thomas’s little game. If Thomas wanted to know exactly what Alex was so messed up over, he would be more than happy to share the horrid memories he harbored. “On my birthday.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay, that explains why Gil said you don’t like your birthday.” He placed the now-washed dishes in the dish drainer next to the sink, and turned to look at Alex. “That doesn’t explain why you were hurting yourself, though.”

Alex gulped. He knew Thomas was direct, but even so, the comment made him feel uneasy. “I-“ He had to find the right words, figure out how to explain it perfectly, or Thomas might think he’s crazy, or worse, laugh at him. “The pain helps.” He ended up saying. “It reminds me that I’m still here.” It wasn’t perfect, but it got the point across without having to fully explain that he shouldn’t be here, that he should have been the one to fall instead of everyone else.

“Well, even though you’re a pain in the ass sometimes, I’m glad you’re still here.” Thomas said earnestly.

Alex smiled warmly at that. Sure, Thomas could be a jerk, but it was nice to see he had a soft and loving side.

“Let’s get you to bed now, yeah?” Thomas said as he left the kitchen, a small skip in his step.

 

* * *

 

The two retreated back to their spots on the cot, and with the events replaying in Alex’s mind, he drifted off into a peaceful slumber without any interruptions. Thomas and Alex’s friendship grew exponentially from that day forward. Thomas no longer seemed disinterested whenever he came around, instead his face lit up whenever the two would interact. Maybe it was just his selfishness, but Alex quite liked having another person to call his friend.


	2. Jealous John And The Tenacious Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new girl comes to school, and John gets jealous of Alex and Thomas's newly found friendship. TW: gender slur used!!

John was starting to get annoyed. It’d been two months since Alex’s birthday, and as time passed, Thomas had become a much bigger part of Alex’s life than he preferred. He wasn’t sure what sparked the friendship between the two, but jealousy sat in the pit of his stomach each time he saw the two walking side by side. Thomas could be a good person when we wanted to be, but those moments were few and far between. He just hoped a crush wasn’t forming on Alex’s end.

One seemingly normal day, John overheard the teachers talking about a new transfer student from Yorktown prep, an all-girl school. He rushed to his next class, excited to relay the juicy gossip.

“Alex! You’ll never guess what I heard.” He said, sitting down in the chair at their usual table.

“Oh?” Alex replied, quirking a brow with interest. “What does the grapevine have to say today?”

“Well.” John began. “A little bird whispered that we’ll be getting a new student. I heard the teachers talking, and apparently, she’s Mr. Reynolds’ daughter!”He said, already dumping folders and papers all over his side of the desk without a care as to how neat it was.

“Oh shit… really? Why hasn’t she been attending here?” Alex picked up some papers and began to organize, just as he did so every day. John was a bit of a hot mess when it came to school work, so he’d taken the liberty of sorting whenever he got the chance. It bothered him that John could be so careless with his belongings.

“So, you know how he got a divorce, right? Well, while they were in the middle of everything, she wanted to live with her mom, but now that everything is finalized, I guess the court gave him custody. Something about financial stability?” John had tried to help Alex sort, only to get a small swat on the hand in return. He had to admit, it was adorable how particular Alex could be when it came to his method of organization. He’d often scold their friends if they so much as laid a finger on his books back home.

“I guess that makes sense. If his ex-wife couldn’t afford to take care of her properly, it would only be rational to have her stay with the more well-off parent.” Alex stopped organizing for a moment, and John could see the cogs turning in his mind, his eyes staring into the air in a calculating expression. “Though, I have to feel bad for her. She made the decision to stay with her mother, only to end up with Mr. Reynolds in the end.”

John bobbed his head in agreement. He hadn’t thought of that, but it was a good point to make. “So, how about you What’s new with _mon petite lion?”_ He asked in a fake French accent after finally getting his school work in order.

“Nothing, really.” Alex got his own schoolwork from his bag, and laid it out neatly in front of him, carefully categorizing each stack. “Well, that’s technically not true. Thomas invited me to come hang out with him and James after school. I was thinking maybe I’d go.” He added as an afterthought.

John rolled his eyes, internally sighing at the mention of Thomas. “Are you serious? Seriously, it’s like, ever since you’re birthday, you guys have been like best friends.” He grumbled.

“He’s not my best friend, you are. And I know you don’t like Thomas very much, but he’s a pretty good guy.” Alex defended. “He may be stubborn and elitist to a degree, but he’s fun and his heart is in the right place.”

“Just make sure you tell me if he asks you out again. That way, I can give him a good kick or two.” John said half-joked.

Alex chuckled. “John, he’s twice your size.”

“Hey, I’m scrappy! I’ll find a way!” John countered.

Alex laughed, a smile spread wide across his face, making John get butterflies.

They continued to flutter as the teacher strolled in a minute later and the lesson began.

 

* * *

 

The fluttering stopped the moment Alex decided to sit next to Thomas at lunch. They were chatting casually, and the jealousy John felt returned.

The jealous must have been obvious; Lafayette had been giving him pointed looks since they all sat down. After a shared laugh from Thomas and Alex, followed by a glare from John, the French teen decided to finally say something.

“Mon ami, You have not said much since we sat down, and your plate is still full. What has you pouting?” Lafayette asked quietly, worrying for his friend, but not wanting to embarrass him.

“It’s nothing, Laf. I’m not pouting. I’m just not hungry, that’s all.” John lied, really not feeling up to indulging his frustratingly intuitive friend.

“It does not look that way, John. You are most certainly pouting.” Lafayette insisted. He scooted a hair closer, hoping to ease it out of him.

John groaned. “Laf, I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong, can you please just drop it?”

“Okay, if you insist.” Lafayette relented, throwing his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t convinced in the slightest, but he knew John. If he wasn’t ready to talk about it, there was no point in pestering him about it. He was stubborn as a mule, and would only reach out in desperation.

John continued to move his food around the tray, occasionally glancing at the still-chatting Alex. He wasn’t kidding when he told Alex he wanted to know if Thomas ever asked him out again. However, he conveniently left out the fact that he wanted to know because he was scared Alex would accept. The two were getting along so well now, and even though that made Lafayette happy to have two of his closest friends now getting along, it only served to make John’s jealousy grow.

“I’m going to the library; I’ll see you guys later.” He said, grabbing his tray and taking off. He couldn’t care less what questions his friends would have about his attitude. He needed some space to clear his head and get back to being himself. He knew Lafayette was right, but he wasn’t about to acknowledge it.

John walked through the halls until he reached the library, the room connected to the computer lab through a joining doorway. When he’d first become friends with Lafayette, they would spend every lunch messing around on the computer games. It was all education-based games, but it was fun at the time. Plus, there was always minesweeper, right?

It didn’t take long for John to get bored. The only thing that could hold his attention without fail was drawing. It was just as well, class would start soon, and he wanted to get there early so he could have time to set all his papers out. He grabbed his backpack, got up, and made his way to the joining door. He heard the library door swing open in the other room as his hand made contact with the knob. He cracked the door open just enough to see who had entered, and was surprised to see a girl he’d never seen before, followed by Mr. Reynolds. The man pushed passed the girl, grabbing her by the wrist, and pulled her to a secluded section in the shelves of books lining the back corner of the room.

“What the hell, Mariah? You think you can just hussy up to any Tom, Dick, or Harry?” Mr. Reynolds whispered angrily. “I finally get you out of there, give you everything, and you think I’d let you get away with that?”

John being John, kept his ear close to the crack in the door. He couldn’t see the two, but could tell the girl was probably shrinking under the words.

“I didn’t do anything, I swear! They-“ she started with a thick southern accent coloring her voice, but was immediately cut off by Reynolds.

“Don’t you talk back to me, young lady. Now, I have half a mind to send you back to your momma if you keep disrespecting me like that.”

“No! Please! I’m sorry, I’ll be better, I promise!” She begged, her voice raising in pitch as well as volume. She seemed to realize she was being rather loud, and when she spoke again, her volume was back to a whisper. “I’m sorry, daddy. Please, I’ll be good. Don’t send me back there…!”

John could hear the desperation in her voice and it quite honestly broke his heart. How on earth Mr Reynolds could be so vile, threatening to send her somewhere she obviously didn’t want to go, John couldn’t possibly understand.

“Fine.” He said a bit huffy. “You can stay.” After a second thought he tacked on, “However, disrespect me again and there **will** be consequences, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Daddy. I’m sorry…”

John heard some shuffling, and looked deeper into the room to see the man had pulled the girl into a hug. She was as still as stone in the man’s arms, like a statue.

“I’m only looking out for you, sugar. I don’t want you turning out like your whore of a mother, that’s why I’m hard on you. Run along, now. “ He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and the girl nodded before following Mr. Reynolds out. John quickly pulled the door back to a crack, so he wouldn’t be spotted, and waited for the two to leave.

As he emerged into the empty library, the events replaying in his mind, he decided to head to his next class.

John _really_ needed to talk to his friends.

 

* * *

 

Lafayette watched John leave, his back somehow appearing mopey and stubborn. He knew from the small glares he had been darting his foster brother’s way throughout lunch, that John was jealous. It wasn’t hard to spot, he knew John very well. It wasn’t like John was very discreet about it, but Lafayette knew for a fact that Alex was entirely oblivious this, as he was with anything else John didn’t say outright. For example: his undeniable infatuation.

“Herc, I think we should talk to John.” He said as they walked along the halls to their next class.

“Yeah, he was really quiet today. Usually that only happens when he’s upset; I wonder what’s eating him?” Herc replied.

“So you did not see it?” Lafayette asked, wondering why he was the only one that could read his friends like an open book. When Hercules gave him a puzzled look in place of a response, Lafayette sighed and said, “He is jealous, mon ami. Thomas and Alex are always together now, he feels replaced!”

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” Hercules said as they approached the classroom.

Lafayette pulled the door open, allowing Hercules to go in first. “By the way… it is, how you say, off topic, but I have started feeling a bit more.. They lately.” He said following his friend to their usual spot.

“Okay, that’s fine. Just let me know when it changes again.” Hercules replied, not even batting a lash.

It was always a little strange for Lafayette that their friends didn’t seem bothered by their pronoun changes. They’d always assumed before coming out that his friends wouldn’t accept Lafayette’s identity. After all, he’d been chastised for it by other people, specifically a few classmates by the name of Charles Lee, and Samuel Seabury.

Whenever their friends made no big deal out of it, despite the passage of time, they’d always be surprised at how accepting their friends could be. It was a good feeling, being loved and accepted, but they always had a sinking feeling that one day, their friends would change their minds. That one day, they’d see them in a different light and not want to play along.

For now, Lafayette smiled brightly at Hercules, allowing themself to feel the love. As they sat through the lesson, Hercules in the next seat over, they couldn’t ignore the growing selfishness of wanting more. Lafayette had a crush on Hercules since they met, and after coming out, that crush became something unbearable sitting on their chest at night as they imagined what future lain before them; something that made them feel weightless and warm when Hercules laughed or even walked into the room.

John was too stubborn to bring up his feelings to Alex. Lafayette wasn’t like that. There was little, if at all, trace of stubbornness in their reason to keep the feeling a secret. No, the entire thing weighed upon the fear of finally facing some kind of rejection from Hercules. The thought of it scared Lafayette to pieces. Hopefully, Hercules felt the same, and would someday confess so they didn’t have to.

 

* * *

 

Hercules did, in fact, feel the same way. After Lafayette initially came out to him, he was rather stunned. He’d heard of people like that, who didn’t identify as their assigned gender, or any gender at all, but never imagined his best friend would be one of them. That being said, it didn’t bother Hercules. If anything, it made him admire Lafayette even more! They were so strong, so kind, and they deserved the world. At least, that’s what Hercules thought. He understood not everyone felt the same, that gender identity didn’t matter. There were some very nasty people in the world that believe those who weren’t cisgendered, were abominations. Oh, how Hercules wished he could punch every single one of them in the face. His best friend was non-binary, and beautiful, and he was more than just proud of that. In all truth, he felt so much more than pride and admiration for Lafayette, in his heart he knew he was truly in love with them. They’d come such a long way, now freely expressing themselves to the fullest extent; and each time they’d take a step forward, that love could do nothing else but grow.

In his next class, Hercules went narrow-eyed the moment he saw someone in his usual seat.

“Lee, I think you’re in my spot.” He stated as he walked up to the desk.

Charles Lee, the asshole that’s been picking on him and his friends since middle school, made a devilish grin. “I think I quite like this spot now. It wouldn’t be too hard for you to sit somewhere else, right?”

Hercules rolled his eyes. “Come on, Lee. I don’t feel like dealing with this today. Can you please just go back to your normal table?”

Lee shrugged his shoulders. “You still hanging out with that _tranny?”_ He asked, as if that was a good enough reason to steal Hercules’ favorite spot.

“Lee, I swear to god I’ll-“

“You’ll what? What’re you going to do, huh? Beat me up?” Lee said, cutting him off. “I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was sit down. Now Herc, it’s been a real slice, but the teacher is gonna be here soon, and she’ll be quite annoyed that her star student was about to make threats.”

Hercules balled his fists at his side, and stalked off to a table in the front of the class. Even if Charles Lee was an all-around douche, he couldn’t risk getting into trouble. The last time they went toe to toe, it costed him a three-day suspension. If he didn’t have a good history with high school, it could severely impact his chance at getting into a good college on a scholarship, and he really couldn’t risk that. Neither of his parents graduated, and they had little money as it is. The only chance he had to get out of poverty and do something he was actually passionate about, was doing well in school. He already had a part-time job to help out with finances, and that took time away from studying. Being stuck at minimum wage working for a shitty burger joint did not sound like a fun career.

At least once he made it to college, he wouldn’t have to deal with Lee. He hoped the guy could just leave him alone forever, but that was nothing more than a wish. All throughout the class, him and his dumb friend Samuel Seabury threw balls of paper at his head whenever Mrs. Ramsey had her back turned. He brushed it off; He had to.

 

* * *

 

Alex wanted to go after John, worrying if he was at fault for the freckled boy’s sour mood. He would have, if Thomas didn’t shove his phone in Alex’s face to show him some silly cat meme. He could text John later, it was okay. John would tell him if he was mad… right?

He let the issue slip from his mind as he mentally prepared himself for his first visit to Thomas’s house. He was a nervous ball of energy as he waited for the boy to show up after school ended. He’d already been given the Okay from George and Martha, and Lafayette seemed ecstatic when he learned of their after-school plans. Still, the anxiety of going somewhere new brewed in his stomach. He’d never had someone invite him over before, and usually new places meant having to restart again. Not to mention, he had a bad habit of getting himself lost if he didn’t know the area. His directional sense came about as easy to him as words to someone severely dyslexic.

When Thomas did finally show up, the tall southern teen was all smiles, and it helped ease some of the anxiousness, if just a little. His shoulder length Afro bounced as he neared Alex, a giddy hop in his step.

“You ready to go?” Thomas asked the second he got in ear shot.

Alex looked around, a bit perplexed. “Where’s James? I thought he was coming with?”

“Oh, Yeah. About that, looks like it’ll just be us. He said he wasn’t feeling too great and went home early. He’s been gone since after lunch, actually.” Thomas jerked his head toward the parking lot, motioning for Alex to follow, and headed towards it. “I figured you wouldn’t mind. It’s not like you two really talk all that much anyway.”

Alex followed after Thomas, the anxiety shifting into a small panic. He’d been alone with Thomas before, but this was different. At the Washington’s estate, he was safe. This was Thomas’s domain. An unknown place, with unknown people.

‘Calm down, Alex.’ He thought. ‘Unknown doesn’t mean unsafe, it’s just undiscovered.’ Alex told himself. This was a trick Heather had taught him when he’d mentioned to her his fear of new places. She insisted he give it a try, claiming that changing the way you view something, changes the way you feel. She was right, in a way. The trick had been helping him with more than just new places; he’d allowed himself to nap the other day, when he’d normally force himself to stay awake. It’s not that he hated naps, they just felt like a waste of time; Time he could be utilizing to his advantage on more pressing things, like getting even more ahead in his studies.

The trick worked, just as Alex expected it would; He wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack, and he felt more confident in his trust in Thomas as they walked through the parking lot. What Alex didn’t expect, was to see Thomas had his own car, and an even nicer one than either of the Washington’s vehicles. It was sleek, black, and perfectly polished.

“This is your car?!” Alex asked in astonishment. “I didn’t know you had your own car!”

Thomas blushed as he rounded the front of the vehicle. “Yeah..? Doesn’t everyone have a car..?”

“No, not everyone has the funds to buy a car, Thomas.” Alex heard the click of the lock, following Thomas’s lead in pulling the door open, then getting inside.

“Oh, I didn’t buy it. My parents got it for me when I turned sixteen.” Thomas explained like it was a universal experience.

“How long did they have to save up to get it? How much does a car this nice even cost?” The questions were supposed to be rhetorical, but Alex knew Thomas would answer anyway. He buckled himself into the seat, trying not to tug the belt too hard. Hell would freeze over before he’d damage a car this nice.

“What are you talking about, ‘saving up’? It was only twenty- six. By far, not the most expensive one.” Thomas replied nonchalantly. “In fact, I’m pretty sure it was the cheapest one on the lot.” He added, turning the engine over and made off in the opposite direction of the Washington estate.

“Twenty-six hundred? Are you sure? That’s a stupidly great price for a car this nice.”

“Of course not; It was twenty-six thousand!” Thomas corrected quite pridefully.

“Th-Thousand?” Alex parroted. Did he hear that right? There is no way on earth this car was worth that much. “This car costs twenty-six thousand dollars?!”

“Yeah, why? It’s a pretty good price, all things considered.” Thomas answered, too focused on the road to see Alex’s reaction.

Alex threw a palm to his face, seriously not understanding how Thomas could be so privileged, and not know it. “Thomas, that’s an insane amount of money! Do you even understand what I could do with twenty-six (thousand) dollars?”

“Um, yeah? You could buy a car.” Thomas offered as if stating the obvious.

“No, Thomas-“ Alex wracked his brain for a way to get it into Thomas’s head that not everyone had that kind of money. “Here, let’s look at it this way. If someone works at minimum wage, forty hours a week, the cost of your car is roughly how much they make in a whole flipping year.”

Thomas’s face went blank. “Wait… Are you serious?” He asked, not believing his ears.

“Yes!”

“Hold on…” the car pulled onto a street lined with over-sized houses, ones even nicer than the street the Washington’s lived on. “What do minimum wage workers normally pay for a car? Can they even afford to buy one? How do they afford to pay for their house?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying, Thomas! Most of the time, they can’t afford to buy a car, let alone a house!” Alex was practically shouting at this point. “Most of the time, they can barely afford rent! There are families that came from nothing, relying on food stamps, and donation boxes to feed their children! They can’t afford proper protection in order to not have said kids, because they are too busy trying to afford other things, like clothes, shelter, and food. There are adults sharing expenses with sometimes four or five other roommates, because alone they just would not be able to afford it.” Alex huffed, slightly winded from the tangent. “I thought you looked this stuff up? Was that not true?”

As the car pulled into a driveway, and came to a stop, Thomas turned to face his friend. “No, I did I swear, I just…” Thomas searches for the words. “I come from a different life, Alex.” His expression turned into one looking quite guilty. “I’ve never had to worry about food, or clothes… I’d always been told the reason poorer citizens weren’t successful, the reason they had to get help from the government, was because they were lazy; They didn’t work hard enough.” He sat silently in the drivers seat; The car turned off, and both teens still buckled. “Did.. Did you ever live like that?”

The question was innocent, no malice or judgement hanging off the words. Alex could tell Thomas truly just didn’t know, and was eager to learn.

“Yes. My whole life has been like that, until now.” He said after a short pause. He really didn't feel like elaborating, that people were either neglectful of his needs at best, and at worst, they would purposefully deprive him of basic necessities. Thomas bobbed his head, biting his lip, unsure what he could say. He couldn’t remedy Alex’s unfortunate upbringing, no matter how he wished to.

Alex realized he might have come across as pathetic. He didn’t want Thomas to feel bad for him, other people had it much worse, and it didn't sit right with him to receive pity over something he no longer had to endure. “It’s okay, though. It wasn’t all terrible. I’ve had a lot of good moments, ones I wouldn’t trade for all the wealth in the world.” He said trying to take the weight off the topic. “Let’s go in already. I’m getting bored of staying in this over-priced car.”


	3. Miss Maria Reynolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to tell Herc and Laf about the library, but they have other plans to confront John about his feelings for Alex. (also known as the chapter where Hercules finally gets caught up with Alex's abuse)

John was on his way to his last class, eager to tell one of his friends about the scene he’d witnessed in the library at lunch. When he finally got to the classroom, plopping himself in the chair next to Hercules, his plan to talk to his friend came to a halt.

“Hey, Laf wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to his place after school.” Hercules said the moment John’s butt hit the seat.

“Yeah, that’s fine, but there’s something I wanted to-“ John was cut off when ‘douchebag Lee’, as he and his friends nicknamed him, walked up to the table.

“I’d like you to move from my table, please.” Lee said with a smug grin.

“Dude, we always sit here. Just go sit somewhere else!” John snapped, rolling his eyes at the asshole’s interruption.

“I would rather sit here, **fag.** ” Lee sneered in reply.

“Oh, it’s like that?” John shot up out of his seat, already fuming. Hercules tugged at his sleeve to sit back down, but John ignored him.

“Yeah, I don’t play around.” Lee snapped back.

“Ohoho, Lee, trust me, I am _not_ in the mood.” John warned in all seriousness, a scowl deep set on his face.

“We’ll move, Lee. John, leave it alone.” Pleaded Hercules, tugging again at John’s sleeve, and standing from his seat.

Lee grinned with satisfaction. “Yeah, _John._ Leave it alone.” Lee parroted mockingly.

John wanted so badly just to punch this guy right in his dumb face. He was lucky Hercules was here to break up anything before it began. With a huff, he grabbed his backpack, following Hercules, and roughly shoved Lee’s shoulder with his own as he passed. They moved to a table on the right side of the room, away from ‘Douchebag-Lee’, and his douchebag attitude.

“Jesus, why on earth do you put up with that guy? The dude needs a good ass kickin’…” John grumbled.

Hercules gave him a look, causing him to deflate just slightly. “You know I can’t let you do that. You’ve already got me into enough trouble more times than I could count.”

John harrumphed, resting his chin in his palm. “That time with the scotch doesn’t count.”

“It so does, we were just lucky George and Martha are awesome, and decided not to tell our parents.” Hercules countered quite adamantly.

“You mean your parents.” John corrected. “You know as well as I do, my dad wouldn’t give two shits if I died tomorrow.”

Hercules raised a brow skeptically. “I highly doubt that’s true. Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”

“ Whatever.” John didn’t bother arguing further. He’d been on the receiving end of numerous beatings from the man because of his unfortunate sexual orientation. He’d spent countless nights laying awake, staring into the dark, praying that he could wake up straight. He was thankful of the day that his father gave up trying to ‘fix’ him, and instead moved back to North Carolina, leaving him in New York with his Abuela and siblings. Though, even now, he still would dream of his father, trying to beat the ‘gay’ out of him. The dreams had lessened over time, but they still hurt nevertheless.

Over the course of the class, John’s mind wandered to thoughts of his mother, wondering if she too would have beat him for his ‘sins’. When school finally ended, he pushed the thoughts from his mind, letting himself focus on hanging out with his friends; The people who accepted him and his flaws.

 

* * *

 

“John, we actually wanted you to come over for a reason.” Hercules piped up once they had settled in on Lafayette’s bed.

“Oh.” John said, suddenly getting a bit nervous.

“We are worried, mon ami. You have been acting a little funny lately.” Lafayette added.

 _So, that’s what this is about._ John thought as he rolled his eyes. “Guys, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”

“You say that, mon ami, but I can see you have been very jealous.” Insisted Lafayette.

“Yeah, I didn’t see it at first, but Laf is right. You need to tell Alex how you feel, already!” Hercules chimed in.

John folded his arms, and slumped against the headboard. “I’m not going to.” He argued.

“Why not? Stop being stubborn, John.” Hercules argued back.

“I’m not being stubborn, you guys just don’t understand!” John all but shouted, throwing his hands up in frustration. He hated that his friends tricked him into coming over just so they could intervene.

Lafayette sensed there was more to John’s words; And it made him curious. “And what is it that we do not understand?” He asked in order to coax an answer out.

John folded his arms again, and looked away. “Alex, he... he can’t know, at least not yet. He’s been through so much, I can’t risk our friendship, I can’t risk losing his trust.” John glanced up,  chancing a look at his friends.

Hercules looked essentially confused. "John, Unless you plan on punching him, I think he'll be fine. You need to-"  
  
"No-" John cut in. "Herc, just trust me, please? Trust my judgement on this? You can't force this on him; He can't handle this right now!" He pleaded.  
  
Lafayette narrowed their eyes. John knew something, and they were going to find out what. "John, what has Alex told you?"

John felt his blood run cold, frozen in place from the question. He hadn't wanted to inform Lafayette of Alex's past, but the man was so damn good at reading people. “He hasn't told me anything.” He lied with a straight face.

Lafayette leaned closer. “What do you know, John?” He asked in an eerily calm, but commanding voice.

John froze even more, if that was even possible. “I don’t know anything.” He lied again, a bit more forcefully this time.

Hercules just watched awkwardly at the interaction, feeling lost as to what the conversation had turned into.

“John... I am not stupid. I can see it in your face. You ** _know._** ” Lafayette said in a softer tone, their jaw clenching tight. John wouldn't be this worried over his crush if this was just about physical abuse.

John gulped, feeling a lump forming. It was obvious he couldn't fool Lafayette, and it was dumb of him to even try. Of course, Lafayette would know, and it made his heart hurt just thinking about it. He sighed deeply, lifting his head to meet Lafayette’s gaze. When their eyes connected, he didn’t have the power to lie any longer. John gave a small nod. "I only found out when we shared his room on Christmas Eve… I don't know anything specific, it was just a nightmare, but...” His head dropped back down halfway through his admission.

Hercules had enough. Whatever it was they were talking about, it was big, and he wasn't going to be out of the loop anymore. “You guys know I’m still here, right?" He asked rather frustrated at being left out. "Care to fill me in?”

Lafayette sat back up straight, no longer leaning toward John. “I am sorry, Hercules. I did not mean to exclude you.” Lafayette’s hand came up to rub his temples, feeling a headache coming on. So, John knew, and now Hercules wanted to know. They didn’t feel quite right about spilling such a personal secret, but hopefully Alex would understand. After all, Hercules was one of his closest friends, surely that'd be okay to him. “So…” they began. “This is not an easy thing to say, but-” He said with a sigh, and Hercules shot him a questioning look. “Alex was… um… sexually abused.”

 

* * *

 

Hercules was shocked, but it felt like a light bulb had turned on in his brain. It made sense, how Alex would clam up when he was first around George, flinching when someone would touch his shoulder and he couldn’t see them, and the fact that Hercules had overheard Alex waking Lafayette up in the middle of the night due to a dream of hands all over him when he had stayed over a previous weekend. Of course, at the time, Hercules had assumed it was just memories of past physical abuse, but now that Lafayette explained further, the pieces came together. He wondered exactly what Alex was put through, but no matter how much he asked Lafayette, he never got more than the Who, and When. Details seemed to be too much for Lafayette to voice, his otherwise normally bright and cheerful face, became disturbed. Whatever it was that Lafayette couldn’t tell him, had to be very very bad. After all, he was their best friend!

“So… You don’t feel like telling Alex is the right thing to do, because you’re scared he won’t trust you anymore?” Hercules reiterated back to John. John nodded slowly, his eyes trained to his lap, and hands picking at the blanket. “And you think telling Alex is the right thing to do, because if John waits too long, it’ll make Alex feel even more betrayed than if he was told now.” Lafayette nodded sheepishly.

Hercules closed his eyes, folding arms, and letting himself go deep into thought. This was a normal thing for him; Since the start of their three-way friendship, he’d always taken on the role of mediator. It wasn’t hard, he had to do the same with his younger siblings all the time. He let out a deep hum as he thought even harder. It was true, waiting could prove to be a problem; Alex didn’t have the best history with being able to trust people, and keeping secrets was a great way to break that trust. On the other hand, jumping headfirst into a confession probably was not the best idea. This had to be carefully thought out, planned perfectly. As they say, timing is everything. He was confident that when the time was right, John would trust his gut.

“Okay. I think I’ve come to a decision.” Hercules said, opening his eyes after his deep contemplation.

“And?” John said impatiently.

“I think you’re right. It’s not the time to tell Alex.” Hercules replied.

Lafayette hung their head in defeat, while John let out a victorious: “Yes!”

“But!” Hercules interrupted. John paused, and Lafayette lifted their head. “John, when you find a moment that you think it’s right, you tell him. I don’t care if you get scared, you can’t wimp out.”

“Oh, come on!” John exclaimed, while Lafayette took their turn to say: “yes!”

Pleased with his decision, Hercules moved the conversation onto more lighter things until John had to head home. It was a while later that a ring erupted from Lafayette’s phone. The French teen picked up the phone, and got excited after seeing the caller ID.

“Hold on, Herc. It’s Thomas.” They said, walking from the bed to the hall, closing the door behind them. Hercules heard a few short sentences, and suddenly a bunch of shouting that sounded oddly familiar to their signature stressed out French. They burst into the room a second later, looking frantic. “Hercules, we need to go to Thomas’s house! Something happened with Alex!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be prepared to hurt guys, next chapter or two is sad


	4. The Fog Is Lifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is enjoying his time hanging out with Thomas at his house, but uh-oh! little does he know, shit is about to get intense. (quick jamilton make out session)  
> (Also, tangled AU anyone?)

 

“You… live here?” Alex asked in disbelief, gawking at the structure in front of him. The house was a mansion, with a huge front yard filled with lush, perfectly trimmed green grass, and a redbrick path mapped in the shape of a diamond, leading up to the porch steps. It looked like it had been built ages ago, passed down through the generations. It was most certainly an old home, but Alex could tell it'd been well kept. They passed four wooden espresso colored benches, the water fountain in the middle of the diamond, and walked up to the steps. "Are you sure this is your house?" He asked incredulously. The house was insanely extravagant, like a fantasy home Alex could only dream of, had sprung to life.

“No, I’ve never been here before.” Thomas said sarcastically. He giggled when Alex snapped his jaw shut and blushed. “Come on, Hamil-butt, before the cops get called and we get arrested for loitering.”

Thomas walked up the rest of the path leading to the porch, Alex trailing sheepishly behind, his eyes wandering, unable to stop soaking in the majesty of it all. The moment Alex stepped inside, his shocked expression returned ten-fold. He remembered seeing the Washington’s home that first time, and how amazed he was stepping inside; But this…This was something else. There wasn’t a single spec of dust, nor decoration, nor furniture out of it’s spot. At least the Washington’s had a little clutter scattered about the house! The further they journeyed into the home, the more he noticed how everything perfectly matched. The tables, curtains, hell, even the wall paper all seemed to be coordinated. He took note of every turn they made in the home, continuing to soak in the decor.

“Are you hungry at all?” Thomas asked, assuming the other teen had to be hungry. Alex hadn’t exactly eaten during lunch, just pushed the food around for the most part, taking the occasional bite. School lunches weren’t exactly known for their quality, and he didn't have much of an appetite at the time.  
  
“You’re not going to make me macaroni and cheese again, are you?” He asked, half-joking. Alex made a mental note of each turn as they made them. This place had to be, at minimum, twice the size of the Washington’s, and if Alex wasn’t careful, he could easily get turned around.

“What’s wrong with mac-n-cheese?” Thomas questioned defensively.

Perhaps picking on his friend’s favorite food wasn’t a good idea. “There’s nothing wrong with it; I just prefer other things, that’s all.” Replied Alex, hoping his teasing hadn’t actually upset Thomas.

“Well, I’ve had a lot of different foods,” Thomas boasted. “And I can say confidently that nothing beats mac-n-cheese.” They climbed up a spiraling flight of stairs, and then another.  
  
“Think what you will, I’m just not a huge fan.” By the time they reached the top, Alex was out of breath. “Why are there so many flipping stairs?” He said between heavy breaths, crouched over and resting his weight on his knees. It was bad enough to climb one set of stairs each day; He couldn’t imagine having to climb two just to get to his bedroom.

“How else am I supposed I look good? Have to get that exercise in somehow!” Thomas joked with a sly grin.

“Oh my god.” Alex said standing up, straightening himself out, and following after Thomas again, his breathing finally getting somewhat back to normal.

“You’re just jealous.” Thomas walked backwards down the hall as he spoke, then quickly turned back around.

“Hah! In your dreams!” Alex scoffed in return, earning a laugh from the other boy.

They finally made it to Thomas’s room, a sign with his name elegantly plastered on the door. Thomas strolled in like he did any other day, tossing his bag to the floor, speeding over to the closet, and picking out a clean outfit to put on. The only difference today, was he had planned which outfit he would wear once Alex got there; a button up shirt that hugged his figure in a very flattering way, his favorite pair of jeans; the ones he’d caught a few people staring at his ass in, and lastly, a casual magenta vest that made his shoulders appear even more broad than they already were.

Of course, he wasn’t trying to woo Alex, but looking his best didn’t hurt, did it?

“You change your clothes after school?” Alex asked incredulously, generally appalled by the idea of thinking you needed to change your clothes halfway through the day. It was, at the very least, unnecessary.

“Gym is my last class of the day. I work up a sweat before I go home, unlike some people.” Thomas said poking Alex in the shoulder, clothes still draped over his arm. “I’ll change in the bathroom; Make yourself comfy.” With that, he headed to the connected bathroom, leaving Alex to his own devices.

 

* * *

 

Alex felt.. out of place. It was an unfamiliar room, and it was even weirder since he was there alone. He took the time to look around the room, inspecting every hung up poster, knickknacks, and several trophies lining the top of a dresser. The room was much bigger than his, leaving enough room for a big flat screen, game consoles, some bean bag chairs, a full length mirror, and a desk with enough room for writing, as well as a desktop computer. It was funny to him, that Thomas’s room was so organized. It made sense that the teen’s room was just as minimalist and tidy as the rest of the house.

He made his way over to the trophies, curious what they were for. Second place in a spelling bee, third place in a science fair, second place in a debate competition, and a few others for lesser things. They were impressive, that’s for sure.

“What do you think of my room?Pretty cool, huh?” Thomas’s voice made Alex jump out of his skin for a moment, not expecting the other teen to return so quickly.

Alex gave Thomas a look over. He didn’t want to admit it, but the Virginian looked rather dashing in the clothes he picked. “Uh… yeah, it’s very nice.” He replied, turning back to the dresser to hide his reddened cheeks. “You have a lot of trophies, I bet your parents are pretty proud.” He added using small talk to escape his thoughts.

Thomas planted himself at Alex’s side, leaning against the dresser, and shrugged, a faint look of pain hiding behind in his face. “Not really. My mom is, but my dad…” Thomas trailed off, not sure how he would express his father’s disappointment.

“Let me guess, he thinks you didn’t try hard enough and is displeased you didn’t get first place in all of them?”

Thomas blinked for a second, alerting Alex he hit the nail on the head. “How did you..?”

It was Alex’s turn to shrug now. “That’s like, rich parents 101. They want you to succeed, and if you aren’t the best, they belittle your achievements, and you end up feeling inadequate for not living up to their standards.” He turned his head, looking him dead in the eyes. “If it’s anything, I think it’s very impressive that you were able to win these.” He said gesturing to the trophies. “Not everyone can be as brilliant minded, and work as hard as you do.” He stated honestly, thumbing at the plaque of a trophy. “Well, except maybe me.” He tacked onto the end jokingly.

Thomas blushed deeply, but laughed, the words like Cupid’s arrow, shooting straight into his heart. “I um… well, thanks…”

Alex gave a curt nod, a pleased smile, and swerved around Thomas to walk over to the queen sized bed on the other side of the room. “Don’t mention it.” He said, carefully seating himself on the edge of the mattress, so as not to disrupt the perfectly smooth bedding. “So, how does James get up here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“What..?”

“James, his prosthetic; I doubt he has an easy time getting up here.” Alex clarified.

“Oh. I wasn’t aware you knew about that.” Thomas walked over to sit next to Alex, getting up on the bed much more carelessly than the other boy had.

“Yeah, we talked about it when you guys were over for my birthday.” Alex supplied. “Am I not supposed to talk about it?” He asked, worried he’d crossed a line. “I assumed you wouldn’t mind, being his best friend and all.” He added as an afterthought.

“No, it’s fine, I don’t.” Thomas hoisted himself the rest of the way onto the bed, his feet coming up to rest behind Alex as he lounged into the pillows near the headboard. “We don’t normally come up here. We typically just stay downstairs in the game room.”

“The game room?”

“It’s our in-home theater. My siblings and I like to watch movies there, but when James is over, we mostly use it for playing games.”

That peaked Alex’s curiosity. “You have a theater?” He asked, unable to contain his excitement. He’d only ever been to the theaters once, and the experience was a great one, so having a whole theater in your home sounded amazing.

“Yeah, you want to check it out? We have, like, every movie ever.”

Of course, Alex really wanted to, but he wasn’t about to say it out loud. They’d only just got to the room, and he hadn’t even seen the rest of the property yet, not that he would ask to. “Only if you want to.” Alex decided to say in place of voicing his true opinion. “We can just stay here, if you don’t feel like it.”

Thomas chewed at his lip for a minute, pretending to contemplate the decision. In reality, he already knew Alex would want to see it, and Thomas wouldn’t waste a chance to see Alex starry-eyed. “I think I’ll just give you a tour, and we can end it with a movie in the theater.” He sat upright and hopped off the bed, digging his hands into his pockets.

Alex copied the movement, gently standing from his spot, and tucking his own hands into his jacket. “You probably just want to show off your house, huh?” He teased with a grin.

“Guilty as charged.” Thomas quipped back as they exited the room. “Can you blame me, though? My house is pretty awesome.” He said, earning a laugh from the other boy.

 

* * *

 

They started off with the floor they were on, which included a study, a few other bedrooms, mostly spares, and two separate bathrooms. The second floor, which Alex was particularly ecstatic about, had a few more bedrooms, one of which they didn’t enter, as it belonged to Thomas’s mother. Though, Thomas did allow Alex to peak inside briefly. He found it a bit peculiar that there were two beds in the room, but made no mention of it. Alex’s parents, despite his father being quite the detached man, both slept together. He wasn’t sure if it was a touchy subject, and decided to leave it alone.

The best part of the second floor, however, was the Study. Tall shelves lining every wall, filled to the brim with books, and several desks to read at. Alex really wished he could just sit down and go to town on a treatise or two.

Or twelve…

“How many of these have you read?” He asked, giddily walking with the shelves, fingers brushing along the spines of each book he passed.

“I’m not really sure.” Replied Thomas. “I lost track at some point. I tried to read all of them in alphabetical order, but I ended up stopping somewhere in the G section. I do know there’s somewhere around three thousand books, though.” Maybe he wasn’t all about his trophies, but this was certainly something Thomas felt pride over. The library was massive, and he had so many fond memories of staying up late to study, only to fall asleep at one of the desks.

The first floor, wasn’t any less impressive, but certainly couldn’t beat having a whole library. The kitchen was massive, complete with any kind of food anyone would ever want. When Thomas moved them outside, to show Alex the gardens, something popped into his thoughts; Something he hadn’t even registered until they came up to an empty playground.

“Where is everyone?” Alex asked, genuinely curious as to why it was just the two teens, and the few sparse maids he’d seen lurking about the home. There was certainly enough room for others, considering the size of it.

The question seemed to hit Thomas rather hard. His shoulders slumped just slightly, and an almost pained, but indifferent expression replaced the smile he’d had since beginning the tour.

“They’re… in Virginia.” He replied hesitantly.

Alex scrunched his nose up, his brows knitted together in confusion. “What? Why?”

He watched Thomas’s eyes gloss over, his face going neutral in an attempt to stifle the hurt they emanated. “My siblings and mom only come here during the summer and Christmas break. My dad always stays at the Monticello estate, he never comes to New York anymore.” A flash of something, a memory perhaps, flickered across Thomas’s face; His eyes fixed on the rolling field stretching out in front of them. “When I came out to my family, everyone treated me differently. Suddenly I wasn’t the favorite child anymore, destined to take over my father’s legacy.”

Alex watched his Adam’s apple bob as Thomas gulped down the memory. “It’s funny,” He said with a disheartened chuckle. “He used to tell me that I’d blow everyone away; I’d take over and be the best Jefferson there ever was…” He cleared his throat, mentally shaking away the memory. “Long story short, he doesn’t approve of my sexuality. Eventually, I made a deal with him.” He looked down at his feet, balling his fists at his side. “I moved here, and he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore, and in return, I get to live my life freely.”

Alex frowned deeply at that. “I’m so sorry, Thomas.” He said placing a comforting hand on the southern boy’s shoulder.

Thomas shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m happier here, anyway.” He smiled brightly, though the corners of the smile did not fully reach his eyes. “Hey, how about we go check out the theater now?”

Alex knew from experience not to press any further, and thought a good distraction might be just what Thomas needed. “Sounds good to me.”

 

* * *

 

The theater was even more amazing than Alex had initially thought. Three huge comfy seats, that could double as a bed, were placed in the middle of the room, a popcorn machine hanging off to the side, and a whole counter filled with any kind of candy one could want. The screen was massive, hung up from the ceiling, taking up a big portion of the wall.

“Holy shit!” Alex exclaimed, the moment Thomas flicked the lights on. He followed the other boy to the opposite side of the room where the projector was, and looked in awe at the film collection. There was not one, not two, but three shelves filled with movies.

Thomas giggled, knowing it was so worth bringing Alex there. “It’s organized a bit differently than you would think, by genre instead of alphabetical.” He rushed over to the second shelf excitedly. “Oh! This right here,” He said pointing to a section. “This is where all the Disney movies are.” He pointed at another section on the third shelf. “And this is my favorite section: Romantic comedies.”

Alex chuckled. “I didn’t take you for the romantic comedy type.” He said, gently elbowing Thomas in the side.

“Honestly, I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic, and I love comedy films.” Thomas replied with a blush, and a dopey grin.

“Which one is your favorite?”

Thomas didn’t even have to think about that one. He leaned down and immediately pulled out ‘13 Going On Thirty’ from the section. “This one always puts me in a good mood.” After a curious lift of the brow from Alex, Thomas continued. “My mom watched this all the time when I was younger.” He thumbed at the case, a fond smile on his lips, and bitter-sweet memories flooding his mind. “She loves this movie. Whenever I miss her, I watch this, and I feel a little less homesick by the time it’s over.” He slipped the movie back into it’s slot, and turned back around to face Alex. “But, you are the guest, and I wouldn’t be a proper southern gent if I didn’t let you pick.” He moved back over to the second shelf, Alex trailing closely behind. "Being around Gil, you’ve probably become a big Disney fan, right? My personal favorite is Tangled. Have you seen it?”

Alex shook his head. “Yeah, I have, but I wouldn't mind watching it again, though.”

Thomas got a big smile that melted Alex's heart, and then made a face like he was rethinking the suggestion. "Are you sure? We can watch something new, if you prefer."  
  
Alex scrunched up his nose in protest. "Nah, Laf would kill me if I watched a new film without him." He shoved one hand into his jacket as he spoke.  
  
"Okay, then we'll Watch it!" Thomas stated excitedly. He walked over to the BluRay player, popped the disk from it's case, and placed it into the tray. "Have you seen the T.V. show? It's really good. There's all these new characters, one of them in particular I love - His name is Varian by the way - His character arc gets so dark toward the end of season one. I really can't wait until they bring him back." Thomas stopped his ramble, only now noticing he'd been doing so.

Alex followed after Thomas to the concession counter as the commercials began. It was cute to see Thomas all passionate about something other than politics. “Sounds interesting.” he commented.

“Y-yeah, it's a fun show. You won’t regret watching it, if you ever get the chance.” Thomas planted himself in the couch located in the middle of the room, and sprawled his snacks out on the counter. Alex followed suit, snuggling deep into the cushion with his popcorn on his lap.

“Oh, hey, I forgot a few things. Just stay here for a second, ‘kay?” Thomas said, walking out of the room before Alex could even reply. It took a few minutes, and by the time Thomas returned, the commercials had ended, the main menu playing in a loop. “I’m back! Sorry about that!” He called out as he re-entered the room.

Alex took notice to the blanket slung over his shoulder, two massive pretzels on a plate in one hand, and a small bowl of dipping cheese in the other. He raised a brow, smiling, and silently snickering at his friend. “What’s with the blanket?” He queried.

“Hey, I get cold easily. Plus, it’s comforting to relax with a blanket over your lap.” He replied defensively, keeping his tone friendly.

“What are you? Some frail elderly woman?” Teased Alex.

Thomas set the cheese and pretzels down on the table, using his now-free hands to throw the blanket across their legs. “Haha, very funny.” He said picking up his bag of popcorn, as well as the remote. “Say what you want, but old women have some of the best stories. Growing up, I could spend hours listening to my Nana tell me about her life.” He pressed a button on the remote, the screen went black, and the lights above dimmed until the illumination of the screen was all that filled the room.

“Well, as much as I would love to hear about your Nana’s adventures,” Alex said sarcastically. “The movie is going to play now. So… shush.”

Thomas chuckled, then stuffed his mouth with popcorn. “Yeah, Yeah, Okay.”

 

* * *

 

Alex could see why Thomas loved it; The playful banter between the main characters, the comedic rivalry between Flynn Rider and Maximus, and the richness of the plot made the movie quiet entertaining, even on a second watch. He noticed over the course of the movie, Thomas had been slowly closing the gap between them. He wasn't sure if it was intentional, but he found himself doing exactly the same thing. Eventually, they were almost shoulder to shoulder, just barely not touching, and Thomas decided to take the first move. His fingers brushed against Alex's, his own fingers reacting on their own, and intertwining them into Jefferson's. Alex kept his eyes trained to his lap, while Thomas continued to watch the screen.  
  
Alex wondered if he should pull away; He really liked Thomas, and though the pull he felt to just lean into him was unbearably strong, something about it was screaming at him to stop. But he didn't listen, instead giving into his instincts, leaning over and resting his head against Thomas. A fierce blush overtook his face, and he kept his head down to hide once again. Thomas, surprised by the unexpected contact, finally looked away from the screen and to the wall on his right. He too, was blushing, and didn't want Alex to see. The position wasn't the most comfortable, so he shuffled his weight to lean back on the pillows, pulling Alex up to relax on his chest.  
  
Alex inhaled sharply at being suddenly picked up like a ragdoll. He tensed just slightly, then relaxed into his friend. Thomas saw the tension, and though it visibly dissipated, it still made him worry. "I-Is this okay?" He asked hesitantly.  
  
"Y-yeah..." Alex replied.  
  
"Are you sure?" Thomas asked, double-checking he wasn't making his friend uncomfortable.  
  
Alex smiled, though he wasn't sure Thomas could see it. "Yeah, this is fine."  
  
The movie continued, Alex staying in Thomas’s arms the entire time. It wasn’t long before the lantern release began, the beautifully romantic scene playing out on the screen, and Thomas couldn’t help but stare longingly at Alex. The boy looked quite lovely, illuminated by the soft hues of the movie, and rested against his body. Oh boy did it make his heart swell having him that close. Alex chanced a look up at him, noticing the longing looks from Thomas. He sat up slowly, not breaking eye contact, as the music filled the room, enveloping his senses.

Thomas wasn’t sure what came over him, Alex’s smooth pale skin, the way his eyes shined like a thousand stars in the dim room; It had him in such a trance, that he leaned forward, closed his eyes, and gently pressed his lips down on the boy’s in front of him. Alex didn’t push him away, in fact, leaned into the kiss, kissed back even. Their tongues twisted, lips grazing across the other’s. Thomas started leaning forward, Alex following the movement, and leaning back to Thomas was on top of him. Thomas continued the kisses, trailing them down to Alex's neck. Alex shuddered at the feeling when he felt a few small suckles along his collar bone. Getting into the moment, Thomas ran his hands around Alex's waist, wandering just underneath the small boy's shirt.   
Alex's breath hitched in surprise, suddenly realizing where this was going. His breath quickened, his heart pounding in his chest, and the overwhelming yearn for more, taking him off guard. Thomas immediately stopped, wide-eyed, and worried for his friend. "I-I'm sorry, are you okay?"

Alex looked at his friend in horror. He couldn't do this... He was dirty, He was going to dirty Thomas too! He was filthy, and Thomas deserved so much better than him. "I-" He tried to talk, but the words caught in his throat as panic started in his chest. His breathing was getting out of control now, and he was starting to feel a little lightheaded. His arms came up, guarding his chest, and clutching his shirt.  
"Hey, hey, breathe, come on; In, one two three, out, one two three.." It wasn't working, Alex was still breathing much too fast, and Thomas could see the terror held in the boy’s eyes. It made his gut twist into a thousand knots. There was something deeply embedded in the look, something he couldn’t quite describe, and it caused a chill to run up his spine. People didn't normally have this reaction just from a little making out, so that begged the question; What exactly had Alex been through?

Before Thomas could voice his concerns, Alex was on his feet and running out of the room. “Alex, wait!” Thomas called out, already running after him. He watched Alex take a right, and dash down the hall. “Alex!” He called out once more. When he finally caught up to him, Alex was curled into a ball, hiding within a closet in a spare bedroom down the hall, and shaking violently.

 

* * *

 

 

Before Alex knew it, he was running down the hall, and into a spare room, barely registering the briefness of his name being called. He rushed over to a closet, curling in on himself, shrinking down and wishing to disappear. He’d trusted Thomas, allowed himself to get comfortable, when that was the last thing he should have done. He was filthy, shameful, and had to get away from Thomas. Memories trickled into his mind, hands touching, pulling, and rubbing him all over.

He started to shake more, and heard a voice, but it was distorted and incomprehensible over the panic continuing to rise in his chest. He was left alone for a what felt like an hour - thought it probably wasn't even close to that long - the feeling of hands on him just starting to fade, when one gripped his shoulder. A whimper escaped against his will, and he shied away from the touch in anticipation of the punishment that was surely to follow for resisting. The distorted voice echoed in his ears, quieter than before, as the feeling of hands became more intense. They touched, and explored every inch of his filthy body. When the hand on his shoulder returned, gripping slight harder, the voice coming once more, the only thing he could make out was a name.

“Alexander.”

The name, _his_ name, said in such a tone, made the panic feel like it had exploded inside his veins. George King, his foster father, was back. He was going to hurt Alex for running; He'd been bad, and now George was going to punish him. He cowered away, desperately pressing his back against the closet wall.

“NO, PLEASE, I'M SORRY!” He screamed desperately. He didn’t have the courage to look George in the eyes, he never wanted to see those eyes ever again, looking him over like a piece of meat ready to be devoured by animals. His breathing was erratic, and it felt like he couldn’t get enough air. His arms went over his head, protecting himself from any impending blows. The world was starting to spin, his body tingled, and it felt like he might throw up.

Suddenly, his hands were being grabbed, and he resisted, tears pooling from his eyes. “NO!” He screamed again. The hands pulled his arms down, causing a chill to spread through his body. He was ready to fight some more, when the hands released their grip. Then a pair of warm hands cupped his cheeks, pulling his face up. He didn’t want to look, he shut his eyes, thinking whatever was going to come next would be what he deserved for acting out.

“Alex, my little lion, you are safe, it’s okay, no one will hurt you.” A voice said… in French? Alex blinked his eyes open, and looked up. The person looked familiar, but it took a moment for Alex to place.

“Laf..?”

 

* * *

 

Thomas, on first sight, didn’t know what to think; He didn’t know how to fix this. It was apparent something was so very wrong, and he had no knowledge of how to handle it. He whipped out his phone, selected Lafayette’s contact, and brought the phone up to his ear, never taking his eyes off Alex.

“Bonjour, Thomas! How is your evening with Alex going? Will he be coming home soon?” Lafayette said without a care in the world.

“Gil, I need you to come over, I fucked up.” He whispered into the phone.

“Thomas, que s'est-il passé?! Alex va bien? Qu'est-ce que tu as foutu?! Ça ne fait rien! Hercule est avec moi, nous serons là dans quinze minutes!” He barked in rapid French, and cut the call.

With nothing else to do but wait, Thomas paced impatiently, keeping his distance from Alex. The shaking didn’t stop over the next fifteen minutes, and it made Thomas worry more. He decided, he should at least make an attempt to fix things before Lafayette comes, and hesitantly approached Alex. His hand came out, and made contact with the boy’s shoulder, only for Alex to whimper and shy away from the touch, his hand lifting off the shoulder in surprise.

“Hey, it’s just me, it’s Thomas..!” He said as soft as possible. When Alex didn’t respond, Thomas tried again; His hand made contact once more, ignoring the whimper that followed. “You need to calm down, Alexander.” Thomas said, trying for a more firm approach.

As if a switch had been flipped, Alex scurried back, panicked and terrified, throwing his arms up protectively. “NO, PLEASE, I’M SORRY!” Alex screamed, almost pathetically. Thomas tried to pull Alex's hands away from his head, desperate to do something before Lafayette got here. Though, that seemed to be the wrong move.

“NO!” Alex yelled, his voice thicker than before, faltering halfway through the word.

Lafayette emerged into the room a moment later, Hercules at his side, both rushing to the closet. The second Thomas saw them, eyes filled with un-shed tears, he let go of Alex and took a step back. The boy still had his eyes squeezed shut, his body trembling from the fear, and sobbing. Lafayette stepped forward, kneeling down, taking note of the trembling, and cupped Alex’s cheeks.

“Alex, mon petit lion, tu es en sécurité, ça va, personne ne te fera de mal.” They said, hoping the French would coax their foster brother back to reality. It did the trick, and a moment later Alex was staring up at Lafayette. He looked confused, his eyes red-rimmed, and tears staining his cheeks.

“Laf..?” His voice was weak, sounding more exhausted than ever.

“C’est vrai, c’est Lafayette.” Lafayette smiled thankfully back at Alex, and wrapped him up in a hug.

 

* * *

 

Hercules walked over to Thomas, pulling him into the hall. The moment they were out of view, as well as out of earshot, he grabbed Thomas by the collar. “What the hell did you do to him?!” He roared, anger filling every syllable.

Thomas stared in shock at him. He’d never been particularly scared of Hercules before, but the dangerously protective look in his eyes sparked terror in him.

“I didn’t mean to, I just-“

“Just what?!” Hercules roared again.

“We made out a bit, that’s it!” Thomas began defending. “I thought it was going well, but then he started breathing weird; He ran from the room, and I called Gilbert as soon as I found him, and-“ Thomas, still slightly panicked, started to tear up again. “I tried to help, I tried to get him to snap out of it; H-he started screaming and I-“

Hercules relaxed a bit, loosening his grip on the collar. He pulled away from Thomas, feeling a bit guilty for jumping to conclusions.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen…” Thomas balled his fists at his side. “I didn’t-“

Hercules folded his arms, leaning against the opposite wall with an unreadable expression. “He was severely abused, Thomas.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Thomas snapped.

“No, you don’t understand, Thomas.” Hercules started. “I don’t- I don’t know all the details, but from the pieces I’ve been able to get out of Laf… He was sexually abused for months, and beaten pretty much his whole life.”

Thomas felt like his heart had torn in two. “What…?” He asked, seriously hoping he had misheard.

“One of his former foster fathers. At least, that’s what Laf told me.” Hercules let out an audible sigh. “Like I said, I don’t know all the details, but he gets like this sometimes, usually only after nightmares.” Hercules let out a frustrated sigh. “Apparently He has flashbacks, he gets confused and thinks he’s back there again.”

Thomas couldn't wrap his head around it, but he knew for sure he had to apologize to Alex properly once this was all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "Thomas, what happened?! Is Alex okay? What did you fuck up?! Never mind! Hercules is with me, we’ll be there in fifteen minutes!"  
> "Alex, my little lion, you are safe, it’s okay, no one will hurt you."  
> "That’s right, it’s Lafayette."


	5. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly as the title says. Lafayette and Hercules deal with shit after everything goes down.

Alex was curled in on Lafayette’s side, his head on their thigh, and hair being softly stroked. He wished it could stay like this forever; The comfort of someone he loved wrapped around him, consoling him from the pit of dark memories locked in his mind. Though, he knew, eventually he would have to face reality. He wasn’t deserving of this, the safety of those arms, the sympathy, and most of all, the love. He was dirty. He’d almost dirtied Thomas too. What would Lafayette think if they knew he’d nearly contaminated their friend with his filthy self? Would he stop receiving comfort from them? Would they look at him in disgust in the way he knew he deserved? Surely, such a thing was unforgivable. Even if they denied it, Alex knew the truth. He’d done so many horrid things; Things he wasn’t proud of, things he should never have done. He was rotten on the inside, and as the saying goes; ‘One bad apple spoils the barrel.’ How long would it be before he rots his friends?

“Mon petite lion, do you think you are ready to talk?” Lafayette asked softly with their hand stopping to rest on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex said nothing in return, only shook his head and sat up to pull away from the lap he’d been resting on.

“That’s okay, please know that I would like it if you did talk. I am here for you always, mon ami.” Lafayette stood first, helping Alex to his feet, and walked the teen out of the home to their car.

Alex briefly saw Thomas on the way out, keeping his head turned away. No doubt, the Virginian would be upset at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to face that head on just yet. It hurt to push Thomas away, it made his heart ache terribly doing so, but it had to be done. Thomas was so pure in comparison to him; If he didn’t pull away, he might end up muddying that pureness, and Thomas didn’t deserve that.

 _Or the pureness was an act._ A voice rang through his mind.

Alex ended up in the backseat by himself, while Lafayette and Hercules talked with Thomas. He wished he could hear what they were saying, but for one, they were too far from the car to even hear the muffled sounds of their voices, and secondly, they weren’t talking loud enough for Alex to hear them anyway.

_They’re probably sick of you, always freaking out over everything. Probably talking about how they wish you were gone, how you always ruin everything._

He glanced over briefly at the three, locking eyes with Thomas for a split second, and immediately turned his head away.

_He’s mad at you. You didn’t give him what he wanted. He only got friendly so he could get in your pants._

No, Thomas is his friend. He liked Alex, right? He was nice to him even after he turned Thomas down.

_He was tricking you, it was all a farce._

Alex was too exhausted to fight the voice. Too much had happened that day for him to actively go against what it was telling him. He’d tried in the past to be a good judge of character, always actively seeking out the secret meanings in people’s words. This was no different; He’d trusted Thomas, befriended him, despite the red flags his mind raised. Look where that got him.

With a tired sigh, Alex laid down on his side, facing the seat, and sprawling his legs out. He was so tired… Swirling thoughts of his inadequacy plagued his mind as he waited for his friends to return.

 

* * *

 

“So, what happened exactly, Thomas? Now that Laf is here, and Alex is in the car, walk us through everything.” Hercules instructed, taking on his role of mediator for the second time that day.

“We were just watching a movie, and we held hands” Thomas gulped, throwing a perturbed look to the car Alex occupied. Their eyes met briefly, but Alex looked away. Feeling an ache in his heart from the distant treatment received from the Caribbean teen, he focused his attention on the two in front of him. “He leaned on me, so we cuddled for a while, you know, just watched the movie, and-“

“Okay, you cuddled, that’s a start.” Hercules was obviously trying to egg him into continuing. Thomas wasn’t even sure if he could properly recount everything, it all happened so fast.

“He just- he looked at me, and his eyes just felt _so big,_ I felt like I could get lost in them. He looked at me like I was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen.“ Thomas drew in a strangled breath. He was getting off topic again. “So I kissed him, and he kissed back. But then, I started kissin' his neck, and his breathing went out of control! he was, like, hyperventilatin’, so I stopped. I tried to ask if he was okay, but he just looked at me like I was the big bad wolf ready to swallow him whole.” Thomas gulped again, feeling his throat tighten as he recounted the events. “Then he ran from the room, and that’s when I called you. I tried to wait for you to get here, but he was shaking so much, I couldn’t just sit and watch any longer! I tried to telling him to calm down, but I don’t know, he freaked out!”

Lafayette frowned deeply. “He was probably scared, Thomas! Telling him to calm down does nothing!” Lafayette snapped. “You can not grab him like that when he is having a panic attack! He told you he did not want to date, did you not think it might be for a good reason?!”

“How was **I** supposed to know?!” Thomas snapped in return, his southern accent thickening in his frustration. “I was scared too, Gil! He was shakin’ and cryin’, I felt completely _helpless!”_

“How do you think **he** feels? I can say for certain that he is blaming _himself_ over this. He is going to think you only wanted to be friends so you could **hurt him!”** Lafayette argued back, voice just a hair under a shout.

“That’s _not_ true!” Thomas growled.

 _“He_ does not know that! Trust does not come easily for him, **Thomas!”** Lafayette was in his face now, cheeks red with anger.

“Guys, you _need_ to calm down. Getting all worked up and fighting isn’t going to help Alex.” Hercules interjected, hoping to take control of the spiraling conversation. It seemed to work; Jefferson and Lafayette stopped glaring at one another, casting their glances to the ground, both fixed with a look of guilt and anger.

“Laf, go get in the car, and Thomas,” Hercules turned to face him as Lafayette stalked off toward the car. “Go back in your house and think this over, and I mean, **really** think this over. Alex isn’t going to trust you for a while, and that’s something you  _have_ to come to terms with.” With that, Hercules followed after Lafayette back to their car, leaving Thomas to stand alone in the driveway.

 

* * *

 

Lafayette rushed into the drivers seat, buckled themself, and tightly gripped the steering wheel while waiting for their friend to follow. They glanced back briefly at the figure in the backseat, and after not catching any movement, assumed Alex had fallen asleep.

_ Comment osez Thomas! Alex est celui qui est important en ce moment! Il a besoin de sortir sa tête de son cul et de réaliser à quel point il le gère mal! _

With anger still bubbling in their chest, they pulled their hands away from the steering wheel to press their palms against their eyes. God, it was all **so** messed up, and there was nothing they could do but sit idly by and watch. They heard the car door open, and removed the hands to see Hercules getting in.

“You okay?” He asked, buckling himself in.

“It does not matter how I am.” Lafayette replied bitterly, turning the engine over.

“Don’t do that, Laf. You can’t downplay how you’re feeling just because someone else is having it worse.” Hercules scolded. “What’s going through that head of yours, I’m all ears.”

Lafayette sighed deeply, put the car in reverse, and began pulling out of the driveway. “I just do not know what we are to do with him, he does not listen!” They explained in a whisper.

Hercules frowned sympathetically. “I know, but try to cut him a little slack. You know how he is, you can’t get him to do anything you want him to do. He’ll just have to learn the hard way.”

“I just do not wish for something like this to happen again, I do not-“ Lafayette felt their throat tighten, tears stinging the edges of their vision. "I cannot _deal_ with this, mon cher!" The stinging intensified, and they could scarcely see the road. 

“Pull over.” Hercules order. Lafayette obeyed, pulling off to the side of the road, just barely missing the curb, and bit their lip in an attempt to stop the inevitable tears. Hercules hopped out of the car, walked around to the other side, and pulled the driver side door open. “Hey, Hey, it’s okay. Come here.” He pulled Lafayette out of the seat and onto their feet, wrapping his arms around their waist.

Lafayette couldn’t hold it in anymore. It started out as small sniffles, and grew into a full-on sob, crying into his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Laf, just let it out.” Hercules said, tracing soothing circles on his back.

Some minutes later, the crying came to a stop, and Lafayette was able to compose themself. “Je suis desolé…” they croaked, voice a bit sore.

“It’s more than alright. No need to apologize. I’m happy I can be here for you.” Hercules smiled warmly at his friend, taking their hand in his own, and grazing a thumb along their knuckles.

Lafayette smiled back, sadness still present in their face. “Oui, I am happy you are here too.” They squeezed the hand gently, butterflies working their way in, fluttering delicately in their stomach. They got back in the car, pulled back onto the road, and finished the drive to the Mulligan house in a comforting, but strained silence. After dropping Hercules off, Lafayette fought the urge to cry the entire ride home. They pulled into the Washington’s driveway around the back of the property, taking a few much needed minutes to compose themself, before expelling the effort to wake Alex and get him into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations in order:
> 
> "How dare Thomas! Alex is the one that’s important right now! He needs to get his head out of his ass and realize just how badly he handle it!"


	6. What's Going On?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas being Thomas, distracts himself with research, and confides in his best friend.

Thomas stared at the car as it disappeared down the road. He couldn’t help but deflate at Hercules words. Would Alex really not trust him anymore? Surely, it wasn’t his fault Alex freaked out. He tried the best he could, despite having no knowledge on how to handle such an intense thing. There was only one way he could be sure; research.

So, he trekked back to the front door, went inside, and headed upstairs to the study. There had to be at least something he could read on sexual abuse in the massive library his home held. He searched, and searched, coming up empty handed at every shelf. In the end, he settled for reading articles online, and the more he read, the more he realized just how badly he mishandled literally everything. Thomas felt like he wanted to smack himself. He not only gave no comfort to Alex, but also forcibly grabbed his arms to get them away from his head, as well as tried to use a commanding voice out of frustration. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole. Would Alex even forgive him at this point? A ding from his phone went off, interrupting his research, and alerting him he had a text. He picked up the phone, breathing a sigh of relief to see the contact name ‘Jemmy’.

* * *

 

_**Jemmy:** Hey Tommy, how’s it going with Alex? Sorry I couldn’t be there._

 

_**Thomas:** It’s okay, I know your leg was bothering you. Also, I may have messed up royally._

 

_**Jemmy:** Oh no, what did you do?_

* * *

 

Thomas internally cringed at the words, the image of Hercules popping into his mind, roaring almost the same exact thing in his face.  
  


* * *

 

_**Thomas:** So, Alex and I kind of made out?_

 

_**Jemmy:** Oh. And… how did that go?_

 

_**Thomas:** It’s easier if I just explain it over the phone. Are you up for a phone call?_

* * *

 

Without a reply from James, his phone started to ring, and Thomas quickly answered the call. “Hey Jemmy.”

 

“Hey _yourself,_ now what happened?” He heard the familiar voice of his best friend say.

 

“Well…"  
  


* * *

 

“Wow, Tommy. You really did mess up royally.” James sounded disappointed in Thomas, and that made it hurt more.

“Yeah, _I know,_ James. The worst part is, he wouldn’t even _look_ at me. I feel so bad, I don’t know what to do.” Thomas flopped down into the desk chair, sighing loudly as he did so. “And it’s not like I can apologize, they already took him home.”

“Well, just make sure you don’t do it over text. It seems more like a face-to-face conversation.” James stated.

“No shit. Ugh, I just-“ Thomas let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “I can’t believe he went through that.”

“Yeah…” James paused for a moment. “I’m gonna try and be more mindful around him from now on. I suggest you do the same.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Thomas replied evenly, despite the underlying guilt he felt. “Well, I’m gonna let you go. I’m kinda tired after that whole ordeal, and I haven’t really eaten anything substantial since lunch.”

James let out a chuckle. “If you can even call school lunch substantial.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Thomas laughed. “Thanks for talkin’ with me, Jemmy.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m happy to help any time I can.”

Thomas smiled at that. He was so lucky, having someone as amazing as James as his best friend. “Goodnight, Jemmy.”

“Goodnight, Tommy.”

The call ended, and Thomas wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse. On one hand, he now understood where he fucked up, but on the other hand, he felt terrible that he fucked up in the first place. Alex deserved so much more than what he could provide, and that frustrated him even further. He was a Jefferson! He had the money and status to provide anything Alex could ever want, and yet here he was, failing to do just that.

_Maybe it’s not about what he wants. Maybe it’s about what he needs. Maybe what he needs doesn't include me at all?_

Thomas couldn’t bear the thought of that. He pushed the thought down for the time being. No sense in dwelling on something out of his control. Instead, Thomas made his way downstairs to the kitchen and fixed himself a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Though, the food he once found comfort in brought no pleasure; It felt like slop in his mouth for the first time since his father sent him away. Dissatisfied with his meal, Thomas shoveled into the garbage. It was so awful, watching his favorite food fall into the trash, but it wasn’t like he could eat it. With everything that happened that day, eating was nothing less than impossible at that point for him. After placing his dirty dish in the sink, he headed up to his room.

_Maybe after some sleep I’ll feel a little better._

Sleep didn’t come, however. He laid there awake, staring off into the lonely darkness of his room, tossing and turning, until he couldn’t stand to lay anymore. He got up, heading back to the library, researching even more. It was around two A.M., when he finally felt tired enough to go to bed, that he heard a knock on his door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love the next chapter I'm gonna post, just so you know.


	7. Confrontation To Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally learns what happened, and decides to commandeer his grandmother's truck to confront Thomas. also, his abuela is a saint, K?

John hadn’t heard from Alex, Lafayette, or Hercules since leaving the Washington’s home. Normally he’d get at least some dumb meme from one of them at this point, and that made John worry more than he’d like to admit. With his friends not at the ready to occupy his attention -though they normally did- he turned his attention to drawing. John sat there, at his desk, scribbling shapes, until they started to form something; eyes. At first, whoever’s eyes it was, seemed to slip from familiarity, to recognition. They were Alex’s eyes.

_Dammit._

Even when he tried not to think of him, Alex seemed to pop into his head, even at a subconscious level. He flipped the drawing pad Alex has got him closed, walked over to his bed, and dropped down on it, belly side down. He pulled a stuffed turtle in to cuddle it, and though it provided comfort, he still felt empty inside.

With Alex in his arms, he felt so right, so complete. He cherished the moments they spent together, that Christmas night. He hadn’t felt quite as close to Alex since his birthday, and that made John feel entirely lost. Alex had become so important to him in such a short time, he couldn’t imagine his life without him at this point. How did Alex feel about John? Could Alex envision a life without him? The thought of him, living a life, without the complications of John and his feelings, filled his mind until he could almost see it playing out before him. Alex and Thomas could date peacefully; Lafayette and Hercules wouldn’t have anyone to babysit; and his family… His siblings and their Abuela would be sad, but they would be okay eventually. His father would probably find some way to benefit from his absence in the man’s life. Even back when John was living Henry, he’d been manipulated by him into becoming the face of a conversion therapy success story. No doubt, his father wouldn’t bat a lash before using him as a pawn in his political grab for power, even in death. Honestly, that had been one of John’s biggest reasons to stay alive; Out of spite. Disappearing off the face of the earth was probably exactly what Henry Laurens would have preferred, and John wasn’t anywhere close to giving the man that satisfaction. Not just that either, he had his siblings to worry about. If he died, there was no doubt in his mind Henry would have no problem shipping them back to North Carolina to live there, and John couldn’t stand the idea of that. In the end, it was better to be despised by someone he once loved dearly, than leave his siblings at the mercy of their father. Now John was getting himself worked up. Even hypothetical, the idea made him more angry than anything.

A ding from his phone made him jump. He quickly threw the stuffed turtle away, hoping it was Alex, and rushed to the desk. The excitement turned to disappointment when he saw it was Hercules ~~with his totally hilarious caller I.D. **Zero2Hero** , fuck you, Herc, it’s funny~~

_Oh well, at least someone is talking to me._

* * *

 

 

**Zero2Hero:** Hey have you heard from Alex?

 

**John:** nah, bro, ur literally the only person that’s talked to me today.

 

**Zero2Hero:** I figured as much would happen. So, simply because I know for a fact Laf is gonna pussyfoot around this, I’m going to be upfront with you.

 

**John:** herc ur 2 texts in and I’m already worried.

 

**Zero2Hero:** just listen for a sec, John, this is important

 

**John:** Okay Okay I’m listening

 

**Zero2Hero:** You cannot tell Alex how u feel right now. It’s not my place to say why, but just trust me, Alex cant handle the stress right now.

* * *

 

John felt his heart sink into his stomach. Just mere hours ago Alex was perfectly fine! What could have possibly- Thomas. He must have done something to Alex when they were at the Jefferson estate. Just as the rage started to bubble in, another text came through.

* * *

 

**Zero2Hero:** John, u there? Look, I’m really sorry to ask u to hold ur feelings in longer, but I really don't think it’s a good idea right now.

 

**John:** Yeah I’m here, sorry. Also, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine

* * *

 

John was lying, obviously. He wasn’t fine, how could he be? Alex had been hurt by Thomas in some way, and he had no clue as to what went down.

* * *

 

**Zero2Hero:** u sure ur ok?

 

**John:** yep 👍 anyway I’m getting tired I’m gonna hit the hay

* * *

 

Another lie.

* * *

 

**Zero2Hero:** kk Thanks for understanding John

 

**John:** no prob bob

* * *

 

John felt like his world was crumbling. Thomas had tried something with Alex, but even worse; Something happened, and he wasn’t there to protect Alex. It felt like his worst nightmare had come into fruition. The rage was building up again; He had to do something, anything, and there was only one thing he knew for a fact would satisfy him.

He had to confront Thomas.

John worked his way to the living room, snuck past his peacefully slumbering Abuela, whom could always be found sleeping in her ash-gray recliner to some cheesy telanovela playing quietly on the television. He took the keys to her truck off the wall hook, and, as quietly as possible, pried the door from its frame. Walking through the apartment complex didn’t take long, and soon enough, he was in the truck, and on the road.

 

* * *

 

 

John’s whole plan was to confront Jefferson, but now he was in the driveway, and something was making him hesitate. One could argue it was his conscience, nagging at him that it was a bad idea, that he shouldn’t jump to conclusions. However, John did what he almost always did when that voice arose; He tucked it away into the farthest recesses of his mind, and pushed onward.

 

* * *

 

 

Thomas had just, just laid down to sleep. That’s when he heard rapid knocking on his front door. Who the hell could it be this time of night? It was, like, two in the morning! If the events of the day hadn’t already put Thomas in a bad mood, seeing John on the other side of the door through the peephole certainly did the trick. With a heavy -and highly annoyed- sigh, he pulled one of the doors open.

“John, pleasant surprise. Mind telling me what-“

He was cut off by John, pulling him by the shirt, and shoving him hard against the doorframe. “Shut the **hell** up, _Thomas!_ **What the fuck did you do to Alex?!** ”

Thomas’s head ran cold. Did they tell john already? He knew the group was really tight knit, but he didn’t expect them to tell John within a few hours. Thomas wasn’t blind, he could see John’s feelings for Alex, and that surprised him more, that they would tell him so soon.

“I didn’t-“

“And don’t give me that _I didn’t do anything_  bullshit!” John spat, giving Thomas a good shove against the door frame. “He was doing _so good,_ Thomas! **Why?!** Why would you do that to him?!” John was starting to tear up now, rage still present, though his voice faltered, and Thomas had to fight himself not to cry as well.

Crying sounded so relieving right now, but he pushed it down. There was no way he would let John see him so vulnerable. “Are you _jealous?_ What are you gonna do, _freckles? Hit me?”_ He felt like choking, but kept his voice was calm, cold, and calculated, a sly grin gracing his lips. He could try to defend himself, _ **or**_   willingly give into John’s passionate fury; Twist the situation around until Thomas received what he deserved for hurting Alex.

 

* * *

 

 

There was something dangerous in Thomas’s eyes, something that made John’s skin crawl. As soon as the words finished leaving his mouth, John’s blood boiled hotter than ever. He knew Thomas was taunting him, trying to provoke a reaction, but dammit, John didn’t care.

“What the _**fuck** _is wrong with you?!” He screamed, pulling a hand away to ball it into a shaky fist. “I swear to **god,** I’m gonna beat the ever-loving ** _shit_** out of you!”

“Then do it.” Thomas said, almost too quickly, his face blank, almost emotionless, with a darkness John had never seen before. They locked eyes, John pulled the fist back, ready at a moments notice. Thomas squeezed his eyes shut, body tensing in anticipation.

_Don’t do it._  said that voice in the back of his mind. But again, John proceeded, pushing the voice away.

With a fearsome growl, John threw the fist forward, feeling the satisfying sting of his knuckles connecting with Thomas’s jaw, and sent him crashing to the ground just inside the front door. Without any reprieve, John straddled his lap, one knee to the ground, landing another punch. He went to go in for another one, the fist coming up in preparation, Thomas tensing once again, but John paused. Something was off about Thomas, something had been off since the start, but John had been too angry -or maybe too stubborn- to notice. Thomas hadn’t even tried defending himself, or punch back, which was very unlike him.

“W-Why’d you stop?” Thomas stuttered, and now that John was paying attention, he could hear the defeat in his voice, despite being full of venom. “I deserve this, _right?_ Gimme your best hit, **half-pint.** ” He spat, obviously trying to get John worked up again.

John let the arm go slack, dropping the fist to his side, a scowl deeply ingrained in his features. As much as he really, really wanted to punch Thomas more, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He glared down at him, a question burning a hole in his mind. “Why? So you can feel _better?!”_ He shouted.

“No.” Thomas said, taking John by slight surprise. “Just as I said, I **deserve** this.” He stated matter-of-factly.

John stared into Thomas’s eyes, really looked deep into them, finally seeing the guilt and pain the boy had been trying to mask. He could see tears welling in those eyes, and like a flame that flickers out, his anger was gone, understanding in it’s place. “Are you… trying to punish yourself?” He asked in disbelief.

 

* * *

 

 

Thomas saw the recognition in John’s face, the cogs turning, and clicking into place. He didn’t like it. It would’ve just been easier if John just stayed angry. Now, Thomas was on the cold tiles of his home, the two of them face to face, wishing John would just punch him some more, and get it over with.

“Why do you care?” He asked, rubbing his now-sore jaw, and scooting away until his back hit the wall. “Isn’t that better for you? What happened to beating the ever-loving shit out of me?”

John scoffed loudly, rolled his eyes, and crawled over to sit against the wall at Thomas’s side. “I may be mad at you, but I’m not that sadistic.” Thomas shrank under the scrutiny of John’s eyes aimed straight at his jawline. “Why are you doing this, anyway?” He asked.

“Doing what?” Thomas quipped, feigning innocence.

“Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about.”

_Okay, I guess John isn’t in a shit-taking mood._

Thomas sighed. “It’s because… of how he looked at me.” John cocked his head, clear confusion on his face. “It started off… well, I guess, just normal making out, y’know?” John said nothing, but Thomas could tell he was listening intently. “Then something _changed._  Maybe I did something to trigger it, I’m not really sure. All I know is that when I pulled away... he looked **terrified.”** Damn his tear ducts. His eyes stung harshly, un-shed tears finally starting to surface. “He must have been so scared, I didn’t-“ He sucked in a shaky breath, desperate not to show John such a vulnerable side. “I didn’t know- I was just trying to help!” That’s when the damn broke. Thomas’s hands came up to cover his face, feeling ashamed he was breaking down, in front of someone he could barely consider a friend, no less. “I-I grabbed his arms, I commanded him t-to stop; I told him ‘You n-need to calm down, Alexander.’ “ A sob wracked through his body. “He probably-“

“Wait-“ Interrupted John. “You called him... by his full name?” He asked, brows screwed tightly together. Thomas sniffled, pulled his knees in tight, and nodded. “Thomas, that’s like a big thing for him. He hates being called by his full name. I don’t really know why, Laf said it had something to do with a past foster father-“

“Wait, What?” Thomas interrupted this time, the tears stopping only because of his surprise. “Are you sure..?”

“Y-Yeah, at least, that’s what Laf told me.”

Thomas let his head fall back, a small _thud_  as it hit the wall behind them. _“Fuck…”_ he sighed.

John eyed him warily, though he knew what that reaction meant. “So… I guess that means you know?” He asked, picking for information. Thomas nodded, hugging his legs tighter. “Did Alex tell you or..?”

“No.” Thomas replied. “Hercules did.” He admitted.

John felt a small amount of guilt thinking this, but he had to admit, it felt nice knowing Alex solely told John of his own accord. Lafayette knew because Alex had a breakdown, Hercules knew because of Lafayette, and Thomas knew because of Hercules. John had been the only one Alex had actually trusted enough to open up willingly, and that was something he felt at least a little proud of. Still, he felt bad for going after Thomas the way he did.

“I’m sorry.” He said after a moment of awkward silence.

Thomas sighed. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

John got back to his Abuela’s apartment around three A.M., feeling tired to the bone, and ready to just conk out. In his exhausted state, he’d nearly forgotten to hang the keys back on the hook, but somehow managed to remember at the last second. He turned the corner, and stopped dead in his tracks. There, standing ahead of him, was his Abuela. She had her hands on her hips, a stance she only took when she was about to scold someone, and making a face that let John know he was in trouble.

“Mijo, where have you been? I have been worried sick!” She asked in a whisper so as not to wake his younger siblings. “¡Te despierto cuando sales de casa, tomas mi camioneta y no vuelves a casa por más de una hora!”

John hung his head. “I’m sorry, Abuelita.” Was all he could say. Her hand came up and rubbed over her face, obviously frustrated. John instinctively flinched a bit, the ghost-like memory of a hand coming up to smack him subconsciously coming to mind. “I’m sorry.” He apologized again.

Mrs. Rodriguez huffed, still frustrated, but deflating a bit. “What could you have possibly needed to do this late, Mijo?”

John nervously fiddled with his fingers. “I-I just needed to go see a friend.” A half-truth was better than a full lie, right?

She frowned. “John, ¿estás en algún problema? Necesitas decirme o no puedo ayudarte-“

“No, no, no estoy en problemas, Abuela. I just… I needed to see them.” He said, cutting her off before she had the chance to worry more.

She breathed a small sigh of relief, before closing the distance and giving him a tight hug. “Please, don’t do that again, Mijo. Promise me?” She pleaded, still not letting go.

He wrapped his arms around her, taking comfort in the familiar smell of her perfume. “I promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "I wake up to you leaving the house, taking my truck, and not coming home for over an hour!"  
> “John, are you in any trouble? You need to tell me or I cant help-“  
> "No, no, I’m not in trouble,"
> 
> SIDE NOTE:
> 
> I DO NOT SPEAK SPANISH, I USED GOOGLE TRANSLATE I'M SORRY IF IT'S BAD


	8. Mother (And Father?) Knows Best / The Misinterpretation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story delves deeper into Lafayette and Hercules' conversation, from the perspective of Alex. Meanwhile, Lafayette puts their faith in Martha and George's ability to care for their children. Also George and Martha are like A++++++ parents.

After tucking Alex in for the night, Lafayette headed back downstairs to talk to their parents. It was only about ten P.M., so that meant they’d be down in the office doing some last minute work for the day. Now, Lafayette had never felt anxious when it came to asking their parents for help, or coming to them with any issue previously, only with slight trepidation. They’d also never had to deal with this much worry over one person, and naturally, that came with a lot of uncertainty. Would talking to George and Martha be yet another breach of trust to Alex? There seemed to be an awful lot of that happening lately; Hercules, John…

Thomas…

However, no matter what, Alex’s safety and overall mental health meant everything to Lafayette, and talking to their parents was definitely the best way to ensure that Alex would be okay. After all, George was a war veteran, and Martha used to be a nurse. The two of them had seen their fair share of mental illness, and most definitely knew how to handle it better.

With a quick knock on the door, Lafayette had made their decision.

“The doors open!” They heard Martha say from the other side.

Lafayette turned the knob, pushed the door open, and took a hesitant step inside. George was crouched over a stack of papers, glasses perched on the end of his nose, and Martha was at her desk, clacking away on the keyboard. Lafayette took a step further in, and cleared their throat. George glanced up from the paperwork, just now seeing the uneasy expression on their face.

“Gilbert, what’s wrong, son?” He asked, already pushing the papers aside, and removing the glasses from his face. Martha stopped typing, looking over at Lafayette in equal parts curiosity and worry.

Lafayette shuffled from foot to foot, unsure how to even start. “I, uh- I had to pick up Alex.” They said hesitantly. “He- he and Thomas, they-“ They finally met their parents eyes, and started to tear up.

In a split second, Martha was moving away from her desk, circling around it to get to Lafayette’s side, shortly followed by George doing the same.

“Gilbert, sweetie, you can talk to us.” She said the moment she’d gotten close enough to take their face in her hand.

Lafayette leaned into the touch, and bit down on their bottom lip as they tried to push down the squeezing feeling in their throat.   
“Alex and Thomas made out.“ They explained before gulping the tightness in their throat. Martha looked so concerned, and Lafayette had to brace themself to continue.  
“Thomas he didn’t- Thomas did not know-“ Their bottom lip quivered.  
  
They could tell just from their faces, that their parents knew exactly what that meant.  
  
“and- and Alex, He- He was s-so scared, and I was not there!” Lafayette began sobbing for the second time that day, leaning down to the safety of their mother’s shoulder, letting her lead them the love seat.

“I was not there for him!” They sputtered through the tears as Martha wrapped her arms around them.

George kneeled down to get eye level. “It’s okay, Gilbert,” He said, lifting a comforting hand to Lafayette's arm. “We’re here, we can help. I’m sure you did everything you could.” He reached up to put the hand on their shoulder, thumbing it gently. “Now, what _exactly_ happened?” He asked in a serious tone.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex was lying awake in his cot, staring into the gloomy darkness that overtook his room. Lafayette had taken the time to tuck him in, though Alex didn’t have the mental capacity to pay any attention to that. All his thoughts were occupied by the conversation he’d unintentionally overheard from the backseat of the car.

 

 

_“you okay?” He heard Hercules say._

_“It does not matter how I am.” Lafayette had replied._

**_Why would they say that? It very much so mattered, at least to Alex it did._ **

_“Don’t do that, Laf. You can’t downplay how you’re feeling just because someone else is having it worse.” Hercules scolded._

**_And Hercules was totally right, but who had it worse? Did he mean Thomas? Alex didn’t follow through with Thomas’s desires; He had been denied what Alex was supposed to give. Alex knew it was all he was good for. He wondered continuously why no one had asked him for it before today._ **

_“What’s going through that head of yours, I’m all ears.”_

_He heard Lafayette sigh deeply, then some clicks, and suddenly the car was moving. “I just do not know what we are to do with him, he does not listen!” They said in a whisper._

**_Lafayette was right, he didn’t listen. Would Lafayette finally punish him for being bad? For not listening to Thomas?_ **

_**“** I know, but just try to cut him a little slack. You know how he is, you can’t get him to do anything. He’ll just have to learn the hard way.”_

**_Alex gulped at that. Had he misinterpreted their kindness toward him? Had they, too, been trying? Now, all he could do was over analyze any interaction he’d shared with Lafayette and Hercules. He hadn’t thought they were, but he’d been wrong before._ **

_“I just do not wish for something like this to happen again, I do not think I can-“ Lafayette’s voice sounded strangled on that last part._

**_Now his friend was sniffling, and it only felt right to blame himself for it. He didn’t give them what they wanted, and now his friend was crying because of him._ ** _Guilt ripped through him._ ****_  
  
_ _“Hey, pull over for a second.”_

_The next thing Alex knew, the car came to a stop, and Hercules was pulling Lafayette from the car to comfort them._

**_This was his fault._ **

_“Hey, Hey, it’s okay. Come here.” Hercules again._

_Then Alex heard something he’d never experienced before; Lafayette was sobbing uncontrollably._

 

 

Alex rolled onto his side, and clutched the fabric of his jacket, silent tears beginning to roll down his cheeks as the memory swirled around in his head. He wished so badly he could have just disappeared, right then and there. They didn’t deserve to have someone so useless in their life; If only Alex could be better. He deserved to be punished. Whenever, and however, they decided to punish him, Alex would take it, he had to. He deserved just that, and worse. For now, he could punish himself. For now, he could make up, if only a little, for what he’d done.  
He knew where the pencil sharpener was, easily accessible from his spot on the floor. He reached under the bed frame, and grabbed at the emptied tupperware container that he’d stolen from the kitchen a few weeks back, and opened it up on his lap. Inside, rolled up toilet paper, a few bandages, some ointment packets he’d acquired from the first aid kit the family kept under the bathroom sink, and finally, tucked underneath it all, the pencil sharpener. He’d long since thrown away the plastic piece, only keeping the blade. He supposed it wasn’t much of a pencil sharpener anymore. He picked up the small blade, inspecting it, the feeling of relief washing over him just by holding it in between his fingers. He knew the damage he deserved couldn’t be done with this, but it would have to do.

For now.

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you think we should go talk to him?” George asked his wife. He’d moved to his swivel chair at some point, and now was unconsciously swinging the chair back and forth.

“No, let him rest, he’s had a long day. We’ll talk to him tomorrow.” Martha replied from the love seat by the window. Lafayette had fallen asleep on her lap, their long legs curled up, but still hanging off the seat a bit. “I think we should speak with his counselor. I don’t know if Alex has opened up to her about what happened to him yet, but I think it would be good to talk to her.” She mindlessly played with Lafayette’s hair as she spoke.

“Yeah.” George agreed. “Do you think we should talk to Thomas, too? The boy doesn’t exactly have any adults he can turn to; I think he could used some parental figures right about now.”

Martha chuckled. “It feels like we keep getting more kids.” She joked.

George smiled at that. “Yeah.” The smile fell as he remembered the reasons behind that.

Martha quirked a brow, though it was more from concern than anything. “Are you thinking about Alex again?” She guessed.

“Yes… well, _sort of._ I just-“ He let out a frustrated sigh, rolling the words around in his head, trying to find the perfect way to phrase his thoughts.   
“These poor kids never asked for any of this, and yet they are left to deal with it all alone. I just feel so terrible for them, Martha. They have no one to lean on; even Hercules has to basically raise his siblings and hold down a job, when that’s the last thing he should be doing right now. I just- I wish there was more we could do for them.”

Martha frowned again, and George could just _tell_ she felt the same. She gently slid out from underneath Lafayette’s head, pulling a pillow up to rest it on, and tip toed over to George’s desk, perching herself on the corner to look down at her husband.

“I know it’s hard, watching them go through all this, but we _are_ doing what we can.” Then Martha smiled, an idea popping into her mind. “Tell you what, tomorrow, why don’t you take Alex out for some one-on-one time before we talk to him. I think it would do him a little good, having time away to breathe.” She leaned forward, kissing George on the tip of his nose. “I know that’s not what you mean, I’m sure you’d much rather do something more productive toward this whole situation, but…” she said, ending in an inspired shrug, with a smile that made his heart flutter. “We'll help them, George. They have their whole lives ahead of them, and we will make sure they'll have good ones. I just know it.”

George nodded. Even if It wasn’t something super proactive, Alex could definitely benefit from the distraction, at the very least. Maybe George couldn’t wash away his past, but him and Martha certainly could provide a future, and that’s all George could ask for.


	9. The Issue On The Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a disturbing nightmare, and tries to write to stay awake. Lafayette comes to get him for breakfast, and for some reason, everyone is acting weirdly chipper. Why is breakfast always so chill at the Washington's home?

_Alex was sitting at a strangely familiar dining room table, homework he could vaguely recognize sprawled out in front of him. Something about the room felt… odd. Like he wasn’t meant to be there._

_**“Alexander, may I speak with you for a moment?”** George King said, startling him from his thoughts with an authoritative tone, although, Alex could tell it wasn’t a request. The man stood strong at his side, gently sliding his homework away._

_**“Y-yes, sir.”** Alex replied nervously, standing at attention, but keeping his head down. A chill ran through the air, and Alex could barely suppress the shiver that trailed down his spine._

_**“So,"** George began. **"I got a call from your school today.”** A smile as delicate as porcelain was now etched onto his face._

_**“Y-you did..?”** _

_**“Yes, I did.”** The man stated matter-of-factly. Alex flinched slightly when the man reached an arm out. What could he have done at school? He wracked his brain for answers, then George was laughing, another shiver to suppress.  **“When were you going to tell me you won that original story competition?”**_

_Alex’s head snapped up, finally looking George in the eyes. The room suddenly looked so much brighter than just a second ago, somehow warmer, now that he was actually looking up. His brows kit together in confusion, letting George know he wasn’t aware of this. **“Wait… What?”**_

_George raised a brow. **“You didn’t know, son?”** He asked, the smile becoming slightly less disturbing._

_**“N-no, sir.”** Alex put his head back down._

_**“Alexander, there is no need to be so formal. Now, I will let you off with a warning, seeing as how good you are doing in school. However, I won’t hesitate next time.”** George dropped an arm over the boy’s shoulders, digging the tips of his fingers in a little too hard, and started walking calmly with him down the hall._

_Alex felt a chill run through him when he realized what was at the end of the hall. He willed himself not to flinch when George leaned down, his mouth coming too close to his ear. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end as he felt the breath of his foster father dancing ticklishly on his skin. He silently cursed the increasing tightness in his pants._

_**“You deserve a treat, don’t you think?”** _

_Then, George pinned him face first to the wall, reaching down, hands gliding along his figure, tugging his shirt upward, and Alex wanted to squirm away, but he didn’t. Instead, tears flowed down his cheeks, his breathing picking up._

_The breathe on his ear grew more rugged and intense, though, he felt numb from anything else going on, and the voice whispered into it one more time._  
  
_**"You just need to calm down, Alexander. Remember?"** _

_Only this time it wasn’t George, but the voice sent shocks of panic through him, nevertheless. He threw his head to the side, trying to see who the voice belonged to, and what he saw made the panic he felt before feel like nothing by comparison._

_It was **Thomas.**_

_**Thomas** was who had him pinned to the wall; **Thomas** was running his hands all over Alex’s torso. **Thomas** doing something he shouldn't be doing. He tried to fight, push himself away from the wall, only to be yanked upward by the hair, and flush against **Thomas’**  chest._

_**“You’ve been such a good boy, Alexander~”** Thomas said, purring the name out, sending vibrations through Alex's entire self._

 

* * *

 

 

Alex awoke with a start, panting _hard._ His hair was covered in sweat, grossly sticking to him, and tangled every-which way. It took more than a few minutes to get his breathing under control, and even then, he stayed curled in a ball, rocking back and forth to self-soothe. To have a memory haunt his sleep wasn’t new, but having it change like that… It shook him to his core. He didn’t want to think of Thomas like that, didn’t want to see his ‘friend’ where his foster father was supposed to be.

After around twenty minutes of being awake, Alex finally calmed down enough to release himself from the balled up position. He grabbed his phone off the charger, checking the time. Four thirty-six.

_Shit._

He’d barely been asleep for an hour and a half. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, only that he’d laid down in his cot after his session with the pencil sharpener. He crawled over to the desk, getting into the chair with mild difficulty. He felt weak, and exhausted, and his knees shook beneath him every movement into it, but he _needed_ to write. That was the only way he could keep himself awake, and the nightmares at bay.

 

* * *

 

 

Lafayette awoke to sound of birds chirping, and light streaming into the room. They sat up on the love seat, wincing at the cramped feeling in their legs, and looked around. The first thing they noticed, was they weren’t in bed, but in the office where they’d fallen asleep. Then the memories of the previous evening rushed in, and suddenly, Lafayette was on their feet. They left the room, rushing into the hall, and stopped at the familiar sound of clinking dish-ware. They turned the corner, hoping to see Alex sharing breakfast with everyone like every day, and was disappointed when they saw only their parents there instead.

"Oh! Gilbert, you’re up!" Martha said cheerily. "Did you sleep alright? I would have had George put you to your room, but you looked so precious, I didn’t want to wake you."

Lafayette nodded, and glanced back at the stairs just down the hall. “I slept fine, but Mère, is Alex not awake yet?” They said, turning their attention back to their parents.

"I’m not sure. Be a dear and fetch him, won’t you?" She replied, smiling sweetly.

Lafayette smiled back, though the corners of their lips didn’t fully reach their eyes, nodded, and headed down the hall. They rushed up the steps, taking them two at a time. Once at Alex’s bedroom, they knocked softly, hoping they weren’t interrupting their foster brother’s sleep.

“Alex? Are you up?” Lafayette said hesitantly. They heard a bit of shuffling, and then the door clicked open, revealing a tired looking Alex through the crack. The always present bags under his eyes had become darker, his hair looking unkempt, even though Lafayette knew Alex had brushed it the day before. “Hey.” They said softly.

“Hey…” Alex said back, voice barely above a whisper. The two of them stood there for a moment, awkwardly staring at one another, unspoken words hanging in the air, before Alex broke the eye contact to look down at the floor.

Lafayette hated this, not being sure what to say next. On a list of their least favorite things, awkward silences were definitely in the top five.

“Martha made breakfast,” They said, hoping to disperse the awkwardness. “Are you feeling up to eating some?” They knew logically, food was the farthest thing from Alex’s mind. He wasn’t exactly known for eating when he got upset, but even so, Lafayette had to look out for him. If that was all they could do for him at the moment, then that's what they'll do.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex was taken aback by Lafayette’s words. No doubt, Lafayette had talked to George and Martha about it all. He had half expected breakfast to be withheld from him after making such a scene yesterday, or at least something along those lines. Providing him with food didn’t seem like a punishment. Maybe they planned to force-feed him until he couldn’t eat anymore? That seemed like a more proper punishment, then again, the Washington’s had been adamant in the past that they would never do something like that. Still, he couldn’t rule it out.   
  
_Trust gets you hurt._  
  
He'd forgotten that for a while. He felt shame well up in his chest as he realized just how many people he'd been trusting lately. These people weren't his family, he had no family. He was the tragic orphan they chose to foster out of pity. He was the immigrant foster kid nobody wanted. How had he forgotten that?

Whatever the case, Alex assumed breakfast wasn’t up for discussion. He shrugged, glancing off to the side, and came out of the room the rest of the way. Lafayette seemed happy at this, a relieved looking smile spreading across their face, and taking a step back to allow Alex to go first. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, letting someone walk behind him. Still, he walked, letting Lafayette trail behind. His senses felt heightened, picking up every small movement and footstep coming from the French teen. Once they reached the dining room, Alex waited for his instructions, standing awkwardly in the doorway as he let Lafayette enter first.

“Alex, glad to see you’re awake. Come sit and eat.” George called out upon seeing him, patting the seat to his right, Martha on his left.

He crossed the threshold between the hall and dining room, though it felt like crossing a border into a foreign country, and circled around the table to cautiously sit next to the man, despite wanting to be as far from him as possible. If there was anyone Alex felt safest around at the table right now, it was Martha, but Mr. Washington wanted him at _his_ side.

Martha wasted no time, getting up to pile two pancakes, and some fruit onto his plate, and that surprised Alex even further. This was his normal portions as of late. They weren’t going to starve him, or even make him overeat.

“Eat up, sweetie. You and George have a big day ahead of you.” Martha said, smiling softly after she’d finished up dishing out Alex’s breakfast, and glancing at her husband.

Alex couldn’t help but fear the meaning behind that. George was going to be punishing him. It only made sense; He _was_ the head of the house, after all. What kind of punishment would he consider to be appropriate?

Before his imagination could wander farther into the idea, Martha staring talking again.

“I need you and George to run some errands for me today, while Gilbert and I stay home to do some cleaning.”

Lafayette groaned, obviously displeased by this. “Mais _Mère!”_

“No complaining, Gilbert. You need to clean that _junk yard_ you call a room.”

Alex accidentally let a small giggle out at that, and immediately shut it down. It felt alien to him, having the air feel light and fun, even though he’d irrevocably messed up. He couldn’t help but wonder and hope that Lafayette had actually kept yesterday a secret, as improbable as that was.


	10. Let's Go To The Mall Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets through breakfast with a bit of difficulty. George takes him to the mall after. What will happen next, I wonder? (also, if anyone gets ref from the chapter title, you are now officially awesome.)

Alex barely touched his food, mostly just pushed it around, taking the occasional dissatisfied nibble. It was obvious everyone had taken notice to his disinterest in eating; Making unreadable side glances at one another, watching his every move, his several sips of orange juice between bites, and how little he’d actually gotten around to swallowing. He felt weighed down under the scrutiny in the room.

_Lafayette definitely told them. They know what I did._

“Do you have enough, mon petite?” Lafayette was the first to break the silence that hung over the table. “I just wish to make sure you are fed well.”

Alex felt adrenaline kick in. His head ran cold, and shoulders tensed against his will. How much was Lafayette wanting him to eat? If he tried, he could probably get more food down, but he also feared it coming back up, if he ate too much or too fast. Still, He took it upon himself to start shoveling food into his mouth, assuming it was another thing not up for discussion, even though each bit he swallowed made his instincts cry out to stop.

Lafayette smiled, and Alex felt himself relax a bit, relieved to see that he might have made the right choice. He downed a big gulp of orange juice after a particularly big bite.

“Would you like another?” Lafayette asked, gesturing with their utensil to the stack of pancakes, as Alex was setting the cup back down.

“Gilbert, let him be.” George cut in, and it almost sounded like a warning.

Alex was thrown back into being worried again. Was George mad at Lafayette for offering him more? What if he wasn’t supposed to eat at all? But then, why did Martha put food on his plate in the first place?

“Mais Père-“

“Gilbert, that’s enough.” George spoke again, and this time, it was definitely a warning. He turned to Alex, brows turned up with worry. “Alex, you don’t have to eat anymore if you don’t want to.”

Alex gripped the fork tight. Had he upset them by trying to appease Lafayette? “I-I’m sorry…” He said, lowering the fork, nervously looking to George to study his reaction.

He must have misread the situation; Maybe George and Martha wanted to starve him after all; Maybe they put the food on his plate so they could force him to watch, while he wouldn’t be allowed to touch the food.

“Was I… n-not supposed to eat..?” Alex asked hesitantly, eyes darting between George and Martha.

“No, Alex- that’s not-“ George sighed in frustration, then took in a deep breath to re-compose. “As I’ve said before, you can eat as much or as little as you like. I just don’t want you to force yourself, that’s all it is.”

Alex looked down at his lap, gripping the fork tight. “O-oh…” Was all he could manage to say. He felt like an idiot. He’d basically just accused the man of wanting to starve him, at their dining table, in their own home, and to their faces.

_How ungrateful they must think I am._

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Sir…”

The dream from last night suddenly popped into his thoughts; The memory of Him, telling Alex:

 _“_ _ **Call me**_ _**George.”**_

**_Then the man’s hand was trailing along his collarbone, fingers brushing up his neck and along his jaw. The other hand traced down his abdomen, and began rubbing an open palm over his-_ **

“Alex?” Martha’s voice, and a gentle touch on his forearm, pulled him back to reality. Alex hadn’t notice he’d shut his eyes, or that they were so tightly screwed together. He did, however, notice the light flooding into his vision as he cracked them open, and Martha was there, crouching down at his side. Her expression was grim, full of worry, and Alex felt so bad for making her beautiful face look that way.

“Alex?” She asked in a low, gentle tone. “You left there for a second; Are you alright?”

Alex shook his head to clear away the memory better, his chest tightening with guilt and shame for spacing out like that. “Y-yes, I’m sorry, I’m okay…” he assured.

Martha smiled, but her eyes were still filled to the brim with concern. “No need to apologize, Sweetie.” She gave a small rub with her thumb to the forearm she’d been in contact with, and then withdrew her hand. “Well, as always, If you change your mind.” She smiled again, more genuine this time.

Alex forced his muscles to unwind. He needed to stay focused if he wanted to avoid drifting off into his own head again. Even if actually being relaxed sounded straight up impossible, he had to at least make an effort.

 

* * *

 

George _saw_ the change in Alex.

He saw the worry and shame the boy's face held as he apologized for offending him. He watched as the word slipped from his lips, and suddenly his eyes glazed over, just before squeezing them shut. He saw Alex's head turn to his lap, and shoulders shot straight up, tensing every muscle possible.

George didn’t know why, but seeing Alex slip into a flashback… it made him angry. Not at Alex. No, he could never be mad at Alex for this. He was mad at this “King” character, and simultaneously wondered, what it was specifically that the man did to make Alex react to a simple word in this way.

He was a little mad at Thomas too, but only because he hated seeing Alex so affected by what happened between them. He hated seeing his child had basically reverted back to the scared, unsure, and reserved version of himself that he had been when he first arrived, and all because Thomas hadn’t known Alex wasn’t ready to take that step. George pretended not to notice how tightly Alex gripped the seat belt, once they were both buckled in. He pretended not to notice that Alex had remained silent since leaving the house, and even now, walking into the mall, Alex hadn’t said a single thing. He pretended not to notice Alex keeping a good two feet behind George as they entered the building.

George was _desperate_. He _had_ to make the trip a pleasant one. Alex _deserved_ to have a good time.  
  
He had a small list Martha had provided them; New bed sheets for the spare bedrooms, some dress shirts for George to wear to work, and his wife’s favorite candles from Bath & Body Works. When she had initially handed him said list, she went in to kiss his cheek, and whispered in his ear.

 _Make sure Alex gets something special_  she had said.

The only problem was, George had no idea what to get. What did teenagers like nowadays? He had a hard time imagining Alex cared as much about video games or French pop CD’s as Lafayette did, or thread and fabrics to sew with like Hercules, or even the professional art supplies the couple had purchased for John on a few occasions.

Alex wasn’t like them; He wasn’t like _any_ kid George had ever met previously. Alex was intelligent beyond his years, a sponge for knowledge, with a mind sharper than a knife. He could be so witty, always had words on hand for any discussion, especially political.

That’s when an idea finally came: A book store.

George had -on multiple occasions- found Alex holed up in his room, writing or reading well into the the night. During the day, even on those of which there was no need to, Alex was constantly studying. George hoped it was a good enough idea, and had to mask the excitement, instead bringing up the list to distract himself as they made their way deeper into the mall.

“Dillard’s is closest, why don’t we go there first?” He suggested, suddenly unable to keep the smile off his face.

He couldn’t wait.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex was dragged around by an eager George through the over-sized monstrosity this town called a mall. At the first store, he'd been asked for his opinion on each shirt the man tried on, _and Jesus_ , did he try on a lot of shirts. He thought it odd, that George felt the need to hear his thoughts. He wasn’t the one wearing the garments, why should it matter to George what he thinks? Besides, it’s not like his opinion would make a difference in the end. He doubted his entire existence would for that matter, but that was a thought for another day.

This continued as they went to the next store, George seeking out more opinions on what color of sheets would go best with the spare bedrooms’ matching light blue painted walls. They ended up getting something deep blue, and much too extravagant for Alex’s taste, but at least George seemed happy.

At Bath & Body Works, George kept handing him candles to smell, most of which he would just hold, and wait to put back until George had turned around to grab another. Eventually, his nose started to get stuffed up and runny from the assorted smells in the shop, so he was glad the candle sampling didn’t last much longer than that.

As they left the store, and started trekking back the path to the entrance they’d started at, Alex looked into the crowds of people, swarming from store to store, casually chatting, laughing, and generally enjoying themselves. How he wished he could be that comfortable, being around so many people. It was hard for him, especially right now.This shopping trip was zapping all of the little energy he had. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to just be back at home, hanging out with Lafayette, or writing to his mother.

 _It’s not my home. My home was back in Nevis._  He reminded himself.  _I don't deserve to call it home. My home is gone._

Alex gave one more quick look around. All these carefree people deserved to be here, shopping happily with their loved ones, in the country they belonged to. The only thing that Alex deserved was pain. He’d come here to escape the devastation of a hurricane, only to cause one everywhere he went. He tried to be good, oh my god did he try. It felt like no matter his efforts, he'd always somehow come up short, or entirely fuck things up beyond a manageable state.

“I think I’m in the mood for a little snack. How about you?”   
  
George’s voice startled him out of his stupor. He jumped slightly, only now realizing how engulfed in his thoughts he’d become.

 _Get it together, Hamilton. Stop getting distracted._  He mentally scolded.

Alex trained his eyes on the ground as they walked. “Whatever you prefer, sir.” He mumbled in reply.

George hummed in thought, then gestured to the next right turn they came upon. “Food court’s this way, why don’t we get some pretzels?”

Alex froze, the memory of sharing pretzels with someone coming to the forefront of his already busy mind. _Pretzels, a movie, sharing a blanket, and hands under his shirt-_

“Alex, are you okay?” He heard George say, kneeling down in front of him. “You’re shaking, is everything alright?”

Alex jumped again at the man's voice. Shaking? That didn't sound right. He lifted a hand to study it, hoping it to be false. It wasn't.   
George was right.   
He was shaking.

Alex clenched the fist, then lowered it back down to his side. "I'm fine, sir."  
  


~~**_"Call me George."_ ** ~~

  
"Alex, you don't look fine." George protested, reaching a hand out.

"I'm okay, please..!" Alex unconsciously took a step back, further from the man. He hated how weak his voice sounded on the last word. In truth, he didn't even know what he was asking from George. He thought for a moment, searching for something to say. "I'm just... tired." He knew it was a sad excuse for the tremors, or his odd and withdrawn behavior, but he didn't care. As long as it kept George away.

George didn't move, only flashed a small pitying look, then nodded with his lips pressed together. Alex watched him carefully as he inhaled slowly. "Okay." He said breathily.  
  
Alex balled the fists at his side tighter. He hated this; Making the strong and somewhat stoic George look down on him with such pity. He wanted to scream, get angry, tell him: _"Stop looking at me like that!"_ But, he didn't. Instead, he turned his head away, looking once again into the crowds of people, and squared his shoulders in an attempt to look like he wasn't dying inside.  
  
"Which way to the food court..?"  
  
George huffed, no doubt frustrated, and nodded to the way they'd been walking.

 


	11. What We Can Never Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette deals with having to stay home, learning to accept that they can't always be there for their foster sibling. Alex finally opens up to George, but it doesn't go at all like Washington had hoped. In fact, Alex ends up exploding at him, and George can't stand seeing his kid's view on life so skewed.

Lafayette hated the fact that they couldn’t be with Alex right now. Martha had taken away any chance of talking to Alex about last night, successfully also taking their chance to help Alex if he ended up needing it. Why didn’t she let them go? They had no reason to be here, scrubbing dishes with their foster sibling possibly struggling somewhere else. Alex could barely trust Lafayette enough to wake them if he’d had a nightmare, and now Martha was forcing them apart. Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Lafayette didn’t realize how rough they’d been handling the dishes until one broke while trying to put it in the dishwasher.

“Merde!” They shouted, anger practically filling ever letter, as a few pieces of glass clattered to the ground.

“Gilbert, language.” Martha warned, striding over from the hall, through the dining room, and to the glass shards to help. "Come one, sweetie, you know better than to let out your frustrations on those poor dishes." She said softly, bending down and placing her hands together, palms up. "Put your hands like this, okay? Can't have you hurting those beautiful hands.:

Lafayette let out a heavy frustrated sigh. “Je suis désolé, mon Mère.” They apologized, sinking down to crouch next to her.

Martha smiled, but the look didn’t read as happy, more worried than anything. “It’s okay, it’s just a cup.” She said, placing some of the bigger chunks of glass into Lafayette’s open palms. “Now, are you going to tell me what’s on your mind, or should I go ahead and get started on learning telepathy?” She half-teased, a sly, but small smile making it’s way out.

Lafayette chuckled. Martha always had a way of making the atmosphere feel fun and light, even in the worst situations. They loved that about her, but they had to be honest with themself. They were upset. “Why did you not let me go with?”

Martha paused, her hand hovering over a piece of glass for a second, then continued with the motion. “I think you needed some space today, Gilbert.” She stated, then picked up the last two pieces and placed them in their hands.

“Mais pourquoi? I am just fine, I do not need space! What if he needs me again and I am not there?” Lafayette stood, walked over to the trash can, and pushed the foot pedal to open the lid, before dumping the pieces into it.

“I know you’re worried about him, but you don’t need to be with him every second of the day, sweetie. He needs his space too, and you need to accept that.” Martha reached her hands up and cupped her child’s face. “You don’t have to hold yourself responsible for him. We’re the parents, that’s what we do. Besides,” her hands trailed down to comfortingly hold his shoulders instead. “He’s with George. He’s in good hands.”

“Mais Mère, how is he supposed to trust in me if I am not-“

“No buts, Gilbert. You need to come to terms with the fact that you aren’t the only person he needs to trust.” She quirked a brow as if to dare him to argue back.

Lafayette didn’t like it, but they knew she was right. They’d been the first person Alex learned to trust, but that wasn’t enough. Alex needed to trust George. He trusted Martha to an extent, but his relationship with George was by far the least developed one. The Caribbean teen still flinched whenever the man moved either of his arms just a hare too quick.

“Oui, Oui, you are right, as always.” Lafayette sighed with defeat, but smiled. “I just care a lot for him.”

Martha smiled brightly up at them, reaching one hand back up to hold their cheek. “I know you do, Gilbert. You have such a big heart, and I thank the universe every day that you came to us.”

Lafayette felt any residual tension from their sour mood melt away in the soothing presence of their mother's hand warming his face. “And I do as well.”

 

* * *

 

 

George had foregone the pretzels, instead buying the two of them a Cinnabon cinnamon roll to split. In the end, Alex didn’t even touch the treat. His half of the roll stayed untouched, and resting on a napkin, a small stain blotted on the right side, until he offered it to George under the guise of still being full from breakfast. It was fine. He wasn’t hungry. He didn’t deserve to eat anyway.

George made no attempt to get answers, at least, not right away. He waited until the two buckled into the car to even mention it, and Alex really really wished he had left it alone all together.

“So, _pretzels._ ” Was how he started the conversation. A peculiar approach, not like it mattered. George would ask his questions, and Alex would try his best to dance around them.

“Sir?” Alex asked, playing dumb.

“ _Pretzels._ ” George repeated, as if stating the obvious. Another playing-dumb tilt of the head from Alex earned a small sigh before the man elaborated further. “I asked you if you wanted to get pretzels earlier, and you started shaking. Your head has been elsewhere all day, my boy. I just want to know what’s going on in that big brain of yours.” He tried to say in the most casual- and totally definitely not awkward- way possible.

Alex frowned, turning his attention to his lap. “It’s nothing, I’m fine. I apologize for being distracted, sir.” What did George want from him? A way to exploit some kind of weakness? He already knew too much about the horrid things the boy had done, maybe not to it’s full extent, but he knew. He could easily find some way to exploit that. He didn’t even have to go that far, honestly. George could just up and take anything he wanted from the boy by force, and Alex wouldn’t say a word. He had no options left if this home fell through.

George unconsciously quirked a brow, the way he always did when he knew someone wasn't being truthful. “Alex, you know you can talk to me right?” He said after a beat of silence. “You’re not in any trouble, I just want to help.”

Alex didn’t buy it. After all the chaos he caused yesterday, there was no way in hell he wouldn’t be in trouble. Even Lafayette and Hercules were smart enough to see he needed to be punished. “I’m fine.” He assured once more.

George chewed on his inner cheek in thought, and Alex felt the anxiety start to bubble in his chest. “Do you remember what I told you when you got here?” Alex searched his memories for the answer, but said nothing. “I said: If you ever come across an issue you feel as though you cannot handle, I want you to feel free to approach us.”

Alex tilted his head up, cocking it to the side, and squinting his eyes skeptically at George, genuinely unsure where this was going.

“That offer never went away. Like I said back then, Martha and I aren’t against you. We want to help you in any way we can, and we can’t do that if you don’t let us.”

“I don’t need help.” He said, maybe a little too fast, doing what he could to force down his frustration. Why couldn’t George just leave him alone? Why did he care so much about how he was feeling?  
  
_Just get to the beating already._

“I know. You’ve only had yourself to rely on, and that’s worked for you so far. However,” George turned and looked Alex dead in the eyes. “The offer to help isn’t one made out of pity, and it’s not a judgement of how well you can handle things on your own. It’s an offer to make the workload lighter, easier to deal with, and it’s extended from a place of love.”

Alex gulped at that. How could they love someone so broken? What on earth did they want so bad from a bastard ophan? “Why?” He accidentally let slip out without thinking.

George furrowed his brows. “Why?” He parroted incredulously. The tone set Alex on edge, and the frustration he worked so hard to squash down was slipping free.

“Yes; Why? Am I that pathetic? Are you trying to fix me so you can look good? Stroke your ego for transforming a meager destitute orphan into something actually worthwhile? Or is it something else? What could you possibly want from me? I’m just a useless foster kid!" He spat, not even controlling the words anymore. They tumbled out of his mouth, unable to filter any of it. “So tell me, why? Why should I tell you _anything?_ So you can use it _against me?”_

“Alex, that’s not-“ George started to say, but Alex talked over him. He knew he was yelling, that getting so worked up was only going to anger George, but couldn’t find the control to stop.

“Just tell me what you want already, I can’t _take this_ anymore! What are you waiting for?! Trying to lure me into a false sense of security, wait til I feel like I wouldn’t be able to say anything?! Well, guess what?! I’m not going to say _shit,_ so you can _hit me,_ or _fuck me,_ or _whatever!_ I don’t care-"

“ALEX!” George snapped, his voice booming, sending waves of shivers over skin.

Alex clamped his jaw shut, his better judgement and control rushing in like a flood, as he realized just exactly what he’d done. George sighed heavily, bringing his hand up to rub his temples as his elbow rested on the car door, Alex flinching slightly at the movement. He stilled any further comments, absolutely terrified of what outcome this gesture will have. Would he finally get the beating he expected? Would George finally punish him? He deserved it, he'd been _so bad;_ George surely couldn’t deny that now.

 

* * *

 

 

George sighed yet again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t-“ he started. “Why would you-“ None of the words felt quite right; There was nothing he could choose to properly and fully express his concern over how far down south this conversation had gone. Where would he even _start?_ He released his grip on his nose, flopping the hand down to his lap instead, and looked down at Alex. He looked smaller than ever, unconsciously pressed into the far side of his seat, and clutching the bottom of his jacket with his right hand.

“Do you _really_ think like that?” He found himself asking, voice low, and thick with worry. “Do you, deep in your heart, _truly believe_ we would love you, just to _hurt you?”_

He studied Alex’s reaction, watched his brows twitch just slightly upward after hearing the question, the way his lids did a half-blink, as if he was too scared to close them, and lips curl into a contemplating frown and he lowered his gaze back to his lap. George didn’t know how the boy would answer, wasn’t even sure he wanted to hear it. It probably would only serve to break his heart even worse than it already had been that day. Without giving Alex a chance to reply, he reached for the keys, turning the ignition, and pulling out of the parking spot.

“Alex, I don’t know how to get it through to you,- and I mean really make it stick- but that’s **not** how people work. That’s not how **we** work. We _love you,_ we care about your well being, we want to _help_ you because _ **we love you;**_ There’s nothing else to it.That’s just all there is, and I’m not sure how I could _possibly_ make it _more_ clear.”

Alex kept his head down, not even sparing him a single look. George didn’t mind. He knew Alex needed to hear this. He needed to _really_ process this, and if he did that better with his head down, _that was fine._ It would _have to be._ _  
_


	12. Life, Liberty, And The Pursuit Of... Books?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette makes a shocking discovery, and turns to Martha to help deal with it. George finally takes Alex to the bookstore. When they get there, Alex bumps into a familiar face.

Lafayette was nearly done with the list of chores Martha had given them. They started off with cleaning up their own room, tidied up the shoe rack, and folded all the clean laundry Martha had washed for them. The only thing left now, was to change the sheets and pillow cases in the main bedrooms, and collect all the trash from each room. They started with their parent’s bedroom, working their way down to their room, then Alex’s. When they initially took that first step into the empty room, a feeling of intrusion followed with it. Lafayette shook it off. Martha gave them a task to do. Alex wouldn’t mind, right? Though, they did find it odd that Martha insisted they change Alex’s sheets. He didn’t even sleep on the bed, it didn’t really make sense to do it. However, Martha insisted anyway, claiming that Alex deserved to have a nice clean bed with fresh sheets whenever he finally started using it. Lafayette couldn’t argue with that. So, they got to work, pulling the blanket off, sheets, pillow cases, and quickly replaced them with purpose to be in the room as little as possible. Alex never specified whether he disliked people being in his room when he was out, but then again, Lafayette was normally with him when he was. They couldn't imagine anyone feeling one hundred percent comfortable with someone invading their personal space, so Lafayette didn't want to take the chance that Alex would mind. When they finished up with their task, they started at the master bedroom again, after dropping the collected sheets down the laundry chute. The only difference this time, was gathering the hallway bathroom trash before once again going into Alex's room, and once again, that feeling of intrusion coming along for the ride. Lafayette casually waltzed over to the desk, bending down to gather up the trash bin, and began peeling off the bag, when-

“Ah!” Lafayette hissed at a sudden but slightly painful sting that attacked the top of their foot. Confused as to what in the world it was, they looked down to investigate.

It was an... ant? Why was there an ant in _Alex’s_ room? Lafayette's room would make sense, they were a downright mess on occasion, always bringing snacks to binge on when their friends were over... But Alex's room? There was rarely a mess in there, and even then, it was almost always only paper. They squashed the little bug, swiping it onto the floor, and looked around the floor by the wall, and that’s when they saw it; A trail of ants, making a trail along the base boards. They followed the trail along the seam between the wall and the floor, soon finding it trailing into the bottom drawer in Alex’s dresser.

Lafayette didn't pretend to know anything substantial about ants, but as far as they knew, the little creatures didn’t have a taste for clothes, so what could possibly have attracted to them to this spot? There was only one way to find out. They pulled the drawer open by the handle, and wasn’t prepared in the slightest for what they saw. A pile of food, mostly pre-packaged pastries, some even growing _mold,_ covered in a **blanket of ants.** Lafayette shoved the drawer closed, instantly freaked out by the sheer amount of insects, their skin crawling at the thought. They rushed from the room, down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time, and bursting into the office, startling Martha out of her skin.

“Mon Mère!” Lafayette shouted the second they laid eyes on their adopted mother.

“Gilbert, dear, you don’t have to yell, _I’m right here.”_ She said walking over from the pile of folders on George's desk she had been going through.

“Mais Mère, it is Alex’s room, **there is ants!** ”

“ **Ants?!** ” She repeated, taking in the off-put look of her child.

They nodded adamantly, still freaked out by the image of the drawer, freshly haunting their thoughts. She glanced at the stairs, reasonably confused by the sudden proclamation, then looked back to Lafayette. She sighed before saying: “Alright, show me where they’re at.” Lafayette didn't have to be told twice. They took off for the stairs in a hurry, knowing Martha would be close behind.

 

* * *

 

 

What did George mean when he said that was all there was? There had to be more to it, there always was. It was the only thing that made sense to Alex, the only thing he ever knew. The only person to ever love him unconditionally was his mother, but he was only a small child at the time. Surely, she couldn’t love the _disgusting monster_ he grew into. No, that was unrealistic. No one could love someone so filthy, but then, why was George insisting exactly that? Alex hadn’t realized just how deep into thought he’d become until he chanced a look out the window. The roads didn’t look familiar, and he couldn’t spot a single landmark he recognized. This wasn't the way to the Manor. Where were they going? More importantly; Where was George taking him? He didn't get a chance to ponder the question, as it was answered as soon as they pulled into a parking lot and settled into a space. He notice a bright neon sign, the third letter flickering every so often, positioned above the entrance to a store, spelling out the words: **“Liberty Books”**

“Alex," George started. "I made plans earlier in the day to take you here, so you can get some books of your choice.” He explained, pulling his keys from the ignition, but not unbuckling just yet. “Think of it as a gift, and nothing more. I don’t want anything in return, I just want to get you some books to enjoy, do you understand?”

Alex nodded, though honestly, he didn’t understand in the slightest. How could he even want to buy him things after such an outburst? What in the world was wrong with these people? Why couldn’t they just see reason and get upset for once? George half-smiled, then reached for his buckle, and peeled himself from the seat, Alex following suit, and meeting George around the front side of the car. They walked in, side by side, George making it a point not to walk behind the boy. They were greeted into the bookshop with a charming ring of a doorbell, and that quite distinct new book smell filling their senses. Alex went wide eyed, enchanted by the shelves lined together, almost forming a maze through the store, momentarily forgetting his turmoil from just a second ago. George suppressed a smile over seeing that twinkling look on Alex he loved so dearly. It was bittersweet in a way, knowing that he could make the teen look so happy, all the while not being able to prove his trustworthiness. For now, he’d have to settle for the small things.

“I’m going to go look around a bit, go ahead and pick out anything you want, Alright?” George said, already beginning to walk away.

Alex didn’t have to be told twice. Maybe he wouldn’t pick out anything to buy, but he’d certainly look around if George was letting him. Even if George insisted it was just a gift, there was only one way to be sure he wouldn't have to repay the debt. Without further ado, Alex headed deeper into the store, seeking out the legal section first. It wasn’t hard to find. He always had a knack for being able to locate it, no matter what bookstore he was in. As soon as he found the shelf, he began trailing a finger along the spines, carefully reading each book before picking up one labeled _“The Rule Of Law”_. He'd heard about the book through some articles he'd read online, and quickly became interested in possibly reading it. He flipped it open to the first chapter, and started reading.

It didn’t take long before Alex was deep in the book, perusing each page, and completely oblivious to his surroundings. The legal system in America was such an interesting thing to learn about, and this book was perfectly capturing each tidbit of information one could hope to read about. He hadn’t intended on getting so lost in the words, but the realization that he’d done exactly that struck him just as suddenly as the tap he felt on his shoulder. It was a small, careful tap, but still sent him jumping away from the touch. He swirled around, his heart hammering in his chest, expecting it to be George or something.

However, it wasn’t George. It wasn’t even an adult.

Instead, of the dark-skinned, bald, and burly man, a small, bland-faced, black teen stood before him, with a few books tucked against his chest.  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Aaron Burr had never been particularly the best at making friends. It wasn’t that he _disliked_ the idea, or anything of the sort. People typically just didn't particularly like _him,_ and went out of their way to avoid interaction all together, or on the flip side, he didn't particularly like _them._  In the past, he'd been passionate, fiery, vocal about any and all opinions he had. Many foster parents don't like mouthy kids, and were quick to beat that out of him, stomping that fire down, until it was extinguished all-together. He learned to keep his opinions and thoughts a secret, one that only he could know. He found out quickly that if he talked less, smiled more, and followed orders, Foster Parents would have little to beat him over. For the most part, this way of life was fine with him. He didn't speak up anymore, and almost everyone left him alone. Speaking up meant people were paying attention, and attention only brought trouble for him in the short, but miserable, fifteen years he’d been alive, and there had been enough of that to last a lifetime.

Upon first meeting Alexander Hamilton, that first day he arrived at Archive Academy, Burr was intrigued over the small, scrappy orphan, at the ready to defend injustice and unfair viewpoints. What sparked that intrigue, one could only speculate. Maybe it was the fact that he, too, was an orphan in the foster system. Maybe it was the spitfire attitude the boy displayed when confronting Thomas that same day, closely mirroring that young, but loud-mouthed version of himself. Aaron couldn’t really say. The only thing he knew for a fact a fact, was that Alexander Hamilton was an original, and Burr found himself yearning to learn just how the boy kept that fire going, even when he had no one on his side. He had hoped following Alex’s lead in joining debate club would give him the chance to learn more about him. The endeavor remained fruitless, though, Alex becoming slightly more like everyone else, ignoring his presence entirely. He didn’t hold a grudge over it, it's not like he wasn’t already used to that. He would just have to try different methods. A few failed attempts to befriend Thomas and/or James ended in Aaron going back to the drawing bored for better ideas, better strategies to get closer to Alex. He wasn’t getting anywhere with his current knowledge, so he decided to do some research on battle tactics, taking a walk from the group home he was in, to the closest building he could find things to read.

If there was one thing Aaron prided himself on, it was his ability to use any form of knowledge to his advantage, even the most unlikely kind. He was smart, he knew that, and used his brilliant mind to swerve away from chaos and mayhem countless times prior, or to aid his efforts toward any goal he aimed for. This should have been no different.

So, when Aaron saw Alex, nose shoved into a book at that same bookstore, it initially caught him off guard. The opportunity presented itself, without him so much as having to lift a finger, and Aaron wasn’t sure what to do about it. He felt so ill-prepared, but when would he get such a perfect chance? Alex was alone, in a bookstore of all places, and right in front of him. Aaron decided then, that he'd waited in the wings long enough. He made his way over on light feet, and quickly tapped the boy on the shoulder, not even slightly surprised when said boy jumped back a whole two feet. Aaron knew what that meant, but let it be, filing that away for later. Alex swirled around, looked Aaron over, recognition showing in his eyes, as his heart was obviously climbing back down to his chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Aaron said, trying his best to keep his excitement from becoming too obvious to the other teen.

“’s fine, just a reflex, that’s all.” Alex assured, gently clapping the book closed, and setting it back on the shelf “It was Aaron, if I’m not mistaken?” He added, almost like it was an afterthought.

Aaron nodded nonchalantly, happy to hear that the boy actually remembered him. “Alex, right?” He asked in turn. “I haven’t seen you here before.”

Alex shrugged. “First time.” He answered, and Aaron wished he would have said more; explained exactly why he’d appeared in the same store, on the same day; Told Aaron exactly what his visit here was for, but he didn’t. Alex said nothing else, just awkwardly stood in place, lightly twiddling his fingers on the hem of his jacket, the other hand still tracing the spine of the book he’d settled back onto the shelf. It seemed the other boy was just as bad at social interaction as he was.

“Ah. I see.” They stood silent for a second, before Aaron finally found the courage to keep the conversation going. “S-so, um…” He gulped around a suddenly dry throat. “What were you reading? Anything good?”

“Oh, Y-yeah, at least to me it is.” Alex replied, suddenly realizing he still had his fingers on the spine, and quickly withdrew the hand to his side. “It’s just a book I’ve had my eye on for a while. It’s about the legal system, and how the term _'Rule Of Law'_  is often abused, and misunderstood. I heard it's supposed to give an explanation as to why countries that have embraced the rule of law have flourished, and why individual freedom is so precious...” Alex trailed off, something flickering across his expression, something almost akin to shame. “Sorry, I’m probably boring you, aren’t I?” He said, with an almost-chuckle.

Now, Aaron had an in. “On the contrary,” he started. “I find the legal system to be quite the interesting topic. It’s part of the reason I joined debate club.” He stated, that cotton-mouth feeling in his throat getting worse.

“Debate club?” Alex asked with a tilt of the head, confirming Aaron’s suspicion that he really had been ignoring his presence all-together.

It didn't matter; Aaron knew exactly what to do. **“Yes.”** Was the answer he chose, straight faced, and unwavering. A tactical move. Now, would be the true test to if Alex was truly friend material. In Aaron’s eyes, there was only two options that would follow.

 **Option One:** _Alex can lie, pretend he remembers Aaron being there. That would prove him dishonest, and therefore, not the friend Aaron was hoping him to be._

 **Option Two:** _Alex tells the truth; Come clean that he hadn’t noticed they shared that in common, and Aaron can rest easy, knowing his interest in the other teen wasn’t wrong._

However hopeful Aaron was, for the latter, he would never express, not even to himself. He’d been through this scenario too many times to know that almost everyone always lies. Alex doesn’t lie, though, to his surprise, and in fact, goes beyond that, choosing a third option Aaron wasn’t even aware existed.

“I always took you more for an interest on politics, honestly.” Alex responded, shuffling from foot to foot. “You were always pretty distant, never really saying much, even out of debate club. I just assumed you probably didn’t want to be bothered.”

Aaron stared, a little dumbfounded, for a moment. His instincts had been wrong; Alex had noticed him, had taken into consideration that maybe Aaron _wanted_ to be left alone. “Oh.” He said, forcing his surprise down. “I tend to keep to myself.” He explained, trying to keep the emotion out of his tone.

“I’m sure you have your reasons.” Alex replied, digging his hands into his jacket pocket.

“Yeah.” Aaron agreed, mimicking the movement, digging a hand into his own pants pocket. “If it's anything, I enjoy your side of debates.” He added.

Alex’s eyes lit up a bit at that. “You do..?”

“Of course. You’re very passionate; It’s… interesting.”

A small silence passed between them, neither sure how to continue talking. It didn’t matter, in the end. A familiar face popped up from around the corner of a shelf to Aaron’s right.

“Alex!” George Washington called out in a friendly tone, casually closing in on the two. “I was wondering where you had run off to.” The man glanced over at Aaron, the boy instinctively ducking his head down as he did so. “Oh, Aaron!” The man said. “Alex, you’ve met Aaron Burr before, correct? I believe he was the one Principal Adams had be your guide at school, am I right?”

Aaron looked to Alex, who had ducked his head down in the same way Aaron had. He took notice to how Alex’s eyes suddenly looked dimmed, like he suddenly didn't feel as free to express himself, and tucked that knowledge away for another time. “Yes, sir.” Alex replied, much more tense than he was just a minute ago. “We keep meeting.”

Aaron took this as his queue to leave. “As I was saying, Alex, I look forward to seeing you in debate club.” He stated with finality, extending and an open palm for the other teen to shake.

“Likewise…” Alex took the hand, shaking it softly, like he was scared to move in too harsh of a way. Aaron let Alex pull away first, and once he did, speed walked away from the two, and out of the store. As he started on the path back to the group home, he allowed himself to relish in the small victorious feeling that washed over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god I love this chapter! I know it's not the most angsty, but trust me when I say, it was hell to write, and I cannot WAIT for the next one. Also, jesus fuck, Alex! Y U NO TRUST PEOPLE???????


	13. 32,000 Ants In Alex's Dresser ( A.K.A. When They Surround Our Food)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George secretly gets a gift for Alex, planning to present it later on. Martha confronts George and Alex.

Washington wasn’t sure what to think. On one hand, he was entirely ecstatic to see Alex socializing all on his own. On the other hand, he worried that the boy might be taking another step he wasn’t ready for. There was already so many new people in the teen’s life, and adding more to that might put unnecessary stress on him. Alex didn’t seemed phased by the interaction though, but that could very well just be him hiding his true feelings and thoughts, as he apparently had a habit of doing so. It bothered George that the teen viewed people caring about him as a sign of a hidden agenda. Hopefully, Alex wouldn’t see Aaron’s socialization that way as well.

“So, did you pick anything out?” He asked, dismissing his concerns for the time being. He gave Alex a look over, taking in the sight of his unfortunately empty arms. He half expected as much to happen, but the sting of that reminded George, he could only keep trying.

Alex shuffled nervously, as always, seeming to shrink under the man’s gaze. “No, sir.”

George quirked his brow, bobbing his head in understanding. He just so happened to have caught a glimpse of Alex stuck in a book through the shelves of the store. George was going to catch him with it before he had a chance to put it back, but alas, Burr interrupted the boy’s reading, unknowingly halting those plans in it’s tracks. “Alright,” He said knowingly. “Well, we can try again another time, hm?” George reached a hand into his pocket and fished out his keys. “I have something I need to grab before we head back home. If you don’t feel up to looking around more, you can wait in the car if you’d like.” He instructed, holding the keys out for Alex to take, who muttered a quick ‘Yes, sir.’ Before taking off.

George watched him go, not moving a muscle until he was certain Alex had left the store. He quickly dashed over to the shelf he’d seen Alex at, grabbing the book, and looking over the title. It was a legal book, which he thought was curious, considering he had never once heard Alex bring up an interest in the matter. He’d have to bring it up at a later date. For now, he marched straight to the register, and purchased the book.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex took the keys, nervously gripping them with both hands. “Yes, sir.” He replied quickly before heading towards the exit, making a beeline for the car. Once he was inside, he turned the ignition, locked the doors, and breathed a sigh of relief. He was curious what George had going through his mind, leaving him alone in the car to shop, but brushed the thought away to relish in the calm of finally having a moment to himself. He was undeniably exhausted. The day had all but zapped what little energy he had, and longed for his floor cot, missing the security of that locking door… Alex found himself frequently checking the entrance of the store, dreading George’s return, all the while wishing he’d hurry the hell up so they could get home already. As he waited for the man, Alex let his mind wander from thought to thought. He recalled George’s words from earlier, contemplating whether the man truly meant what he said. It was one thing to preach unconditional love, to insist that the family had no ulterior motives, another to actually mean it. It felt straight up preposterous, but then again, George sounded so genuine when he said it. Would he still care if he knew just how dirty Alex was? If he told George everything, told him all he could possibly remember, would the man still insist he wanted Alex's trust? Would he even want to keep Alex in their home? Or would he finally see that Alex was only good for one thing?

Whatever thoughts his mind could drift to next would have to wait, as he spotted George making his way to the car. He straightened his posture on instinct the moment George opened the driver side door and flopped into the seat.

“Okay, we’re all set. You ready to head home?” He said, reaching behind to place the brown paper bag into the backseat. Alex nodded silently, and with a shift into drive, they were off.

 

* * *

 

 

Lafayette opened up the window to air out the smell of Raid from the bedroom. Martha was still crouched down by the drawer, emptying the remainder of ant-covered paper towels into a trash bag with gloved hands. It was then that Lafayette spotted the familiar sight of George’s car pulling into the driveway.

“It looks like they are home now, mon Mère.” They said over their shoulder as they watched George and Alex collect their purchases from the car, chewing their lip in thought. How long had Alex been sneaking food? Had he been doing that in every home? How far back did such a habit start? It had something to do with his previous homes, that much was obvious. Lafayette could only speculate for now, but made a mental note to ask Alex about it later.

“Okay, I’m going down to get them. Be a dear, and take over for me?” She said peeling the gloves off, throwing them into the bag, and standing up from her spot.

“Oui, of course.” Lafayette replied as she handed them a new pair of gloves before striding over to the door.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Lafayette nodded his response, already slipping the gloves on, and getting the task at hand taken care of.  
  
  


* * *

 

 

Martha waited until the two had dropped their bags off on the kitchen table to unload the situation at hand onto them. "Hello boys!" She greeted. "It's nice to see you guys got everything on the list, but George, Honey, there's been a bit of a... situation." She started, delicately choosing her words.

Instantly, George went stone-faced, a habit Martha recognized from his Military days. "What happened? Are you both okay?"  
  
"Yes, Yes, we're both fine, it's just..." Martha glanced down to Alex, knowing in her heart this was going to make the boy feel worse, however, sugarcoating never fixed anything.She looked back to George. "It seems Alex was keeping food in his room."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a short break again! I'll be back in about a month or so! I PROMISE I'LL BE BACK


	14. Precaution, Confrontation, And Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex sits down and talks with Martha and George. (short chapter)

“It was precautionary.” Alex explained before anyone could so much as mutter a word. He knew how this conversation went. They would talk to him, find out his reasons, then get to searching through the rest of his things. Alex didn’t like it one bit, but at least coming clean head-on would provide him a slight upper hand. 

“Precautionary?” George asked with a quirk of the brow. “Care to elaborate on that, my boy?” The man folded his arms, intent on hearing out Alex’s explanation. Martha was seated on Alex’s bed beside George, one leg crossed over the other, and both hands on her knee. She had barely spoken since initially bringing up the issue, but if the heartbroken look in her eyes said anything, it was no doubt that she felt a great deal of disappointment in him.

Alex swallowed dryly, clutching his intertwined fingers so the Washington’s didn’t catch how badly they trembled. “The other homes, they weren’t the best at providing food… I started keeping a secret stash in each new place I went to. In the event that I couldn’t count on them to feed me, I could at least count on myself.” Alex made it a point to keep his eyes trained to his lap, that way he wouldn’t lose the confidence to speak. He could do this. He could get the upper hand, catch them off guard. If he persevered, he might be able to talk them out of searching through his things. The container under the bed he could handle, but the notebooks… He couldn’t handle that. A vague memory replayed in his mind, but he shook it off. He had to stay sharp.

“I figured that might be the case.” Martha sighed. She drew in a breath before speaking again. “One of the classes George and I took, in preparation for fostering Gilbert, was all about certain behaviors and habits children pick up in the system.”

“You may not know this, but hoarding food is actually quite common for foster kids.” George chimed in, unfolding one arm to gesture to the boy, then tucking it back in.

“It is..?” Alex asked, cocking his head to the said.

“That’s right. And the last thing we want you to do, is feel ashamed for doing it. It’s a perfectly understandable habit to pick up, when dealing with food insecurity. However, now that we know this is an issue, we can move forward in trying to make you feel more secure.“

Alex tried not to squirm at that. What did they have in mind?

"What, exactly, we will do to help you feel more safe, and more secure, we haven’t had a chance to discuss yet. For now, why don’t you go spend some time with Gilbert? Watch a movie or something. George and I will talked, and get back to you before dinner. Does that sound alright?” Martha smiled sweetly, in a way that only a mother can, and Alex let himself be calmed by this. Martha wouldn’t hurt him. Martha was safe. If she trusted George, maybe Alex could too.

“Okay…” Alex relented. But something else was still coming, right?

“Run along, now.” Martha said as her and her husband went to stand.

“Wait, that’s it..?” Alex accidentally asked in surprise. Where was the room search? Where was the interrogation about yesterday? The punishment?

“What do you mean?” George asked in response.

“Am I not in trouble? You’re not going to… look through my room?” That ended up being more of an odd question than he thought. Martha and George gave him a weird look, matching confusion written all over their faces.

“Of course not, sweetheart! That’s a huge invasion of privacy!” Martha replied, sounding quite shocked. “Is there something you want us to know about?”

Here Alex had been, trying his best to be straightforward in order to catch them off guard. But now, the question had caught him off guard. Did he want them to know? He thought he didn’t, but now, he wasn’t so sure. “I-I don’t know…” he answered honestly.

“Well then, when you know, you can come tell us. For now, we will respect your privacy.” And with that, they left, leaving Alex to mull over the whole conversation.

 

* * *

 

Lafayette felt awkward, leaving the room the moment Alex and their parents entered. It’s not like they didn’t want to be there for Alex, it just… felt right that he talk to them alone. This was something Lafayette had neither the experience, nor knowledge to properly handle, and they knew George and Martha were Alex’s best bet at dealing with it in a healthy manner. Lafayette did, however, make sure they stayed in their room nearby, door open, and ready to spring into action at a moments notice. They couldn’t bear it, if Alex went into another attack, and they weren’t there to help. How else were they to prove themself useful to someone they loved?

So that’s how Lafayette found themself pacing their bedroom floor, catching nothing more than the muffled voices on the other side of the wall, anxiously wringing the bottom of their shirt with both hands. After some time, the sound of Alex’s door clicked open, and Lafayette rushed out to meet their parents.

“So? Did it go well? What did he say?” They said, maybe a little too quickly.

George held up his hand to stop the barrage of questions. “He’s fine, Gilbert. He just might need some time to… process.”

“Okay, but what did he say? Did he tell you why he did it?” Lafayette repeated, now following their parents down the stairs to the first floor.

“I don’t think that’s for us to share, sweetie.” Martha answered.

“May I see him?” The question came out far too desperate sounding for Lafayette’s taste, but they’d rather sound desperate than uncaring. And truthfully, they were desperate.

Martha pursed her lips in thought. “You may, but don’t push him, alright? He has a lot on his plate right now.”

Lafayette giddily wrapped his mother up in a hug. “Merci, mon mère! I will be gentle!” They said before running back up the steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I ended up attending a convention, then going on a week long trip to Colorado, and it's just been wiggity wack in the back for me. I have 2 more chapters coming soon!


	15. Out Of The Will, Out Of Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets a check in from Lafayette. Thomas gets a phone call.

Thomas woke up much later than he would have liked. Typically, he tried to wake up still in the morning, but he guessed it was only fair. Staying up as late as he did, it made sense he woke up so late into the afternoon. It took him a bit to get dressed, still yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, but when he did, smell of coffee wafting through the air helped his senses return to their typically alert state. He headed downstairs, finding a pot of coffee already brewed, and grabbed a mug from the far right cupboard hanging above the coffeemaker. After fixing himself the usual coffee with way too much sweet Italian creamer, he made a beeline for the dining room table. Just as he sat down, one of the house servants approached him.

“Good afternoon, Master Thomas. You missed breakfast this morning.” Jason, the house’s head butler, greeted from the doorway.

“Yeah, I had a late night. Sorry, Jason. I’ll be up on time tomorrow. Anythin’ I missed?” Thomas took a deep sip of his coffee.

“Your mother called, sir. She requested you to speak to her the moment you were available.”

Thomas waved his hand. “I’ll talk to her later, when I’m more awake.” He answered dismissively.

“But sir, she said it was important.” Jason tried again.

Thomas cocked a brow. “Important?” He let out a hefty sigh before taking another swig of his coffee. “Alright, thank you, Jason. You can go.”

The man left, leaving Thomas to ponder what could possibly be so important that he had to call his mother as soon as he was up. Whatever the case, he grabbed his mug and headed back upstairs to his room, finding his phone on the nightstand, and quickly pulling up her contact.

“Tommy! What in tarnation are you doin’ sleepin’ in so late? I called you about two hours ago!” She scolded, picking up after just two rings.

“Sorry, Ma. I was up late studying.” Technically, it wasn’t a lie, right?

“While I commend you for working so hard in school, I really do wish you wouldn’t sacrifice sleeping to do so.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Ma, I know. A good rest sharpens the mind. Don’t worry, this ain’t a habit for me; It was just this one time.” He switched the phone to his other ear, taking a seat on his bed as he did so. “Anyway, what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, since you’re so adamant about dismissing your bad habits,” She paused to give a frustrated sigh. “It’s about your Pa.”

Thomas scrunched his nose in distaste. “What about him?” He replied with annoyance. His mother knew he didn’t like talking about that man. It was often a topic they both tried to avoid. After a certain heated argument, she had promised not to bring him up again.

“Well, you see, Tommy, he’s sick.”

“Okay..?” His father was sick? Why was that important? He’d always been in relatively poor health. Always getting a cold, or the flu. Why did it matter only now?

“He’s been under the weather for a while now.” She continued. “Aft first, we thought it was just another flu. Only this time, he just didn’t seem to be gettin’ better. Long story short, he went through a few doctor visits, and they’re sayin’ he’s got Lymphoma.”

Thomas’s stomach flipped. “Lymphoma?!” He repeated incredulously. “But Ma, that’s-“

“The same cancer that took your Grand Papi. Yes, I know.”

Thomas brought a hand up to rub at his temples. Sure, his Pa was an asshole at best, but he surely wouldn’t wish this on him. The man was his father, after all. “What’s gonna happen to him? They can fix it, right?”

He heard his mother draw in a strained breath. “No, Tommy. No, they can’t- We caught it too late.”

Thomas felt the tears welling up in his eyes. If he could see his mother right now, he had no doubt that she would be tearing up as well. “I don’t- I don’t know what to say, Ma…”

“That’s not all. I’m so sorry, Tommy. I don’t know how to say this…”

His stomach was twisting into knots now. “More? What do you mean, there’s more!?” He snapped, the tears starting to fall.

“Tommy, he’s removing you from the will. I begged him not to, I tried to make him see th-that he had a responsibility to you, as your father. He just- He wouldn’t listen to me! I-I’m so sorry-“

He could hear her crying, but it was hard to concentrate on. He nearly dropped his phone from the shock.

“He’s…. what..?”

Whatever she had said next was all but lost to him. It felt like the world had stopped, leaving only Thomas in the moment to process it all. He barely remembered ending the call, or maybe she had. Either way, it didn’t matter.

Thomas picked himself up, shuffling numbly downstairs to the theater room, and put on his mother’s favorite movie. It was about halfway through the movie when it finally registered in his brain. He was losing his father, in more ways than one, and there was nothing he could do about it. So he cried, harder than he ever had before, until he simply couldn’t cry anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

A knock broke Alex from his writing. He’d been going over his conversation with the Washington’s while writing to his mother, and almost fell out of the desk chair when the sound suddenly appeared. He rushed over to the door, the hinge creaking slightly as he cracked it open. He was surprised to see Lafayette, smiling as if they hadn’t gone through his things while he wasn’t home.

“Hey, Alex! I wanted to check in and see how you were!”

“I’m fine.” Alex replied with a hint of discomfort coloring his tone.

Lafayette hummed in thought, the smile faltering slightly. “Are you sure? You do not look fine.”

“I’m fine, Laf. I’m just a little tired, is all.”

‘Actually, I just don’t want to talk to you.’

Lafayette’s smile dropped the rest of the way, replaced with one of concern. “D’accord. Just know I am here, always. I care a lot for you, mon ami. I want to help you any way I can.”

“Yeah, sure.” Alex snorted. He couldn’t believe them. Betraying his trust the way they did, spilling everything to the Washington’s about Thomas, then invading his privacy by looking through his things, and having a whole conversation about punishing him with Hercules, then innocently claiming they wanted to help. Helping was the last thing they wanted to do.

Lafayette tilted their head curiously. “Did I say something funny?” They asked, unsure of why their foster brother was acting so oddly.

“No, you-“ Alex shook his head dismissively. “It’s nothing, never mind.” They both stood awkwardly, waiting for the other to continue, before Alex spoke again. “Was that everything you wanted? I’m kind of in the middle of something, so…”

Lafayette nodded, understanding Alex was asking for space; A luxury he didn’t get before coming here. “No worries, mon petite, I understand. I will be downstairs, watching the best Disney movie of all time, if you choose to join me later!” They flashed a hopeful smile, getting a small quirk of the lips from Alex in return.

“Yeah, thanks.” Alex replied half-heartedly.

Lafayette smiled brighter, more earnestly than before. They turned to leave, but stopped and turned back around to add one last thought. “Alex,” They began. “I know it is hard for you to trust people, but I will always be there for you first. We are family, to me at least, and family means no one gets left behind.”

Alex turned the words over in his mind. The gentle reminder of that amazing movie he saw all those months ago returned to the fore front of his mind. “Or forgotten…” He added.

Lafayette smiled brightly again, then made his exit down the hall to the staircase.

Alex watched him go, yearning for the comfort of someone he recently trusted wholeheartedly. He walked back to the desk, seating himself in the rolling chair he had vacated moments ago, chest feeling tighter than ever. Lafayette wanted his company. If he didn’t follow through, what consequences would be in store?

 

* * *

 

 

Lafayette rushed down to the kitchen, making sure to grab each of Alex’s favorite snacks from the pantry. They had no way of knowing Alex would come down, but they had a gut feeling it was very likely. If they knew their foster brother, and they certainly hoped they did, Alex probably felt a great deal of expectation to do so. The French teen knew it was selfish of them to rely on Alex’s insecurities in order for them to get a chance to get him to open up. Was it really that selfish if it was for Alex’s own good?

Lafayette brought all the gathered snacks to the coffee table, and went to put the movie in. The commercials started up, Lafayette murmuring the words they knew by heart at this point, grabbed a few blankets from the hall closet, and headed back to the den to set everything up. Once everything was in place, the movie menu on repeat, Lafayette seated themself on the middle cushion.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex mentally argued with himself for a good few minutes before deciding it not wise to go against Lafayette’s wishes. If they were ready to punish him for doing that to someone else, how would they react if it were them? The thought scared Alex more than anything. Above all, it hurt more than anything. He had trusted Lafayette, to the point that he had been contemplating letting his walls drop. What a dumb idea that was. The only people that had remained trustworthy so far, were Martha, and John.

John.

That’s right. Alex hadn’t talked to him as much lately. He’d been preoccupied, too distracted to pay attention to his real friend. Alex grabbed his phone off the corner of the desk and started a new text to John. Once it was sent, he quickly pocketed the phone, grabbed his journal and a pen, and exited his bedroom.


	16. Forgiveness; Can You Imagine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally learns what Lafayette really meant. Lafayette learns a thing or two about preying on someone's insecurities, no matter how well-intentioned. Martha and George make plans to helps Alex with his food-hoarding problem.

“Thank god for those classes we took before Gilbert came to us, right love?” George chuckled darkly, taking a seat in the swivel chair at his desk.

Martha sighed heavily. “Yeah, no kidding.” She took a few steps and seated herself on the love seat by the window. “At the time,  _Common Habits Of Foster Kids_ seemed to be a pretty useless class, seeing as Gilbert hadn’t been in the system long enough to pick up most of them.”

“But now…” George continued. The two adults took a moment to think it all over, before George decided to speak up again. “So..? How do you want to deal with this?”

Martha hummed in thought. “Well, the first thing I think we should do, is set up his own personal place where we can keep food he likes, one he can access at any time.”

“Alright, what about a mini fridge? Maybe we could get him one for his room?” George suggested, folding his arms as he spoke, and leaning back in the chair.

Martha shook her head. “No, it would be too hard to ween him off of it. The point is to make him feel more secure now, and slowly get him more comfortable with having a regular food supply, so one day he won’t need his own personal stash.”

George nodded, knowing his wife was right. “Yeah, that makes sense. What about clearing out one of the small drawers in the fridge? Alternatively, giving him a little cubby in the pantry could be a good idea.”

Martha cocked her head to the side. “That could work. I think maybe the fridge might be a better option, though. That way none of the food goes bad too quickly.”

George smiled warmly at his wife. It made his heart swell seeing her so adamant to help their newest child. It reminded him of how quickly she became attached to Lafayette when they finally made it to their home. “Right then,” he said after a second. “That’s what we’ll do.”

Martha smiled back, feeling that same swell on her own heart. She never imagined in the past having a second child, but now that they did, she knew they would do anything to keep him. “How did your trip with Alex go?” She asked, hoping to move the conversation along. She didn’t miss it when George’s shoulders slumped a bit at the question. He was always so easy to read.

“It went… okay. I was hoping it would have gone a little better, but…” George exhaled, unfolding one arm to pinch the bridge of his nose, then dropped it to his lap.

“Did something happen?”

George shrugged, not exactly sure what to bring up first. “Well, sort of? He was acting pretty distant, which wasn’t unusual in itself. After we shopped around, I asked him if he wanted to get a snack. He kind of froze up, and started shaking- I wasn’t really sure what to do! We got some Cinnabon, and I decided to ask him about it.”

“Okay, and?” Martha raised her brows, hoping her husband would get the hint, and continue.

“And… long story short, don’t give him pretzels. I didn’t get much out of him at the time, but when we got out to the car, he… He doesn’t trust us, Martha. He went off on me, telling me that he wouldn’t defend himself if we hurt him, that he’d just take it!” George clenched his fists, recalling the painful rant from his child. “I’m worried, Martha. What if someone tries to hurt him? He basically said he wouldn’t say a word, if someone did. How do we know nothing else has happened already?”

Martha frowned sympathetically. She didn’t like hearing this at all, and the thought of Alex forcing himself to take any pain inflicted on him by another person, scared her more than she liked to admit. “We don’t.” She stared frankly. "What we do know, is that he needs us. We can help him, and to do that, we need to talk to him.”

George nodded. “Agreed.” he said solemnly.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex walked to the den, standing just inside the doorway. He shifted from foot to foot until his foster sibling took notice of his presence.

“Oh, mon ami! I am so happy you are here! I was just about to play the movie! Come!” Lafayette patted the cushion next to them.

Alex complied, walking to the couch, and sitting himself down, pressed against the armrest, hands folded together passively in his lap. He wondered if Lafayette was being truthful, or if they had waited for him to arrive to play the movie, but decided not to comment on it.

Lafayette grabbed the remote, pressed the select button, and smiled contently that their plan had worked after all. Alex had certainly taken his time, and they had started to wonder if it truly would work. But now, Alex was here, and Lafayette could finally talk to Alex about the previous day.

“So, mon petite, how are you feeling? Yesterday pretty crazy, non?”

Lafayette’s casual tone over the matter made Alex cringe internally. He didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, let alone Lafayette. After the conversation they had with Hercules, Alex was t going to delude himself into thinking they actually cared. “I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” Alex replied bitterly.

Lafayette shot him a look that displayed just how little he believed it. “You do not have to be brave for me, mon ami. I am only asking because I care.” Alex scoffed out of instinct, and immediately regretted the action, earning a confused expression from Lafayette. “Did I say something silly?”

“You-“ Alex was about to go off on them, but luckily was able to stop himself. If his explosion at George earlier taught him anything, it was that blowing up was a bad idea. “It’s nothing, just forget it.” Alex folded his arms, and pressed himself deeper into the armrest.

Lafayette frowned at his words. It worried them how distant Alex was being. He hadn’t been like this before, so what changed? “Alex, will you tell me what is wrong? You know you can talk with me, oui? Have I done something to upset you?”

“It’s fine, Laf. Please, just watch the movie.” Alex’s face had been cold but neutral this whole time, but now his was turned into a scowl. He hated feeling so pressured by everyone to talk. He just wanted to be left alone! Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

“Alex, I cannot help if you do not talk to me. I want to be there for you, I want to help! Why can you not trust me?” Lafayette knew they were pleading now, but the way Alex was acting worried them too much to leave it alone, and it hurt to see him push them away like that.

“Trust you?!” Alex asked incredulously, turning to look straight in the French teen’s eyes with a ferocity Lafayette had never been on the receiving side of before. “You conspired with your best friend to punish me, and you want me to trust you?!”

Lafayette went wide eyed at the accusation, nearly frozen in shock. “Alex, what are you-“

“I don’t listen, right? You said it yourself; I’m stubborn, and I need to learn the hard way! Isn’t that exactly what you said?” Alex spat, the fury and betrayal he’d worked so hard to mask until now, bursting out of him by the seams.

“Alex, you are mistaken, I did not-“

“Don’t give me that shit, Laf! I don’t want to hear your petty excuses!” Alex was shaking now, and damn it, he was _so_ tired of that happening.

“I am _not_ making excuses! S’il vous plaît, allow me to explain, and you will see! You have it all wrong!” Lafayette begged, shifting to face Alex better.

Alex flinched slightly at the movement. He was ready to jump to his feet at a moments notice, but something in him willed him to stay. Whether it was guilt, or loyalty, Alex couldn’t sure. “Then explain.” He decided to say in lieu of his impulse to escape.

Lafayette felt themself simmer down. They looked down at their lap, piecing the words in their mind together as carefully as possible. “First, I would like to say, we did not know you were awake. You always look so tired, mon cher, we assumed you had just become exhausted, and fell asleep.”

“Get to the point.” Alex chided. He was in no mood to drag this on longer than necessary.

“Oui, course.” Lafayette took in a breath. “We were speaking of Thomas, Alex. Not you. I said he did not listen, because I had tried to explain it to him, but he could not see why his actions had caused you to become distressed.” They explained downheartedly. “I would never hurt you, mon cher, never intentionally.” Lafayette looked over at Alex, seeing that his entire demeanor had changed. “Alex, when I said he would learn the hard way, I meant that if he did not learn to respect your boundaries, that the consequences would teach him to do otherwise. I would never hurt you. Please, I beg of you, do not think of me in that way.”

Alex felt as the anger melted away, bit by bit. He’d been so rash, assuming the worst of someone who’d only ever treated him with kindness, and had gone straight to the conclusion that Lafayette was like **Him.** He felt so stupid. Guilt washed over him, crashing like a tidal wave onto his entire being. “I’m sorry…” he apologized, his throat threatening to tighten as he spoke. “I’m so sorry, Laf! I didn’t think-“

“It is alright, mon petite. I understand why you reacted in the way that you did.” Lafayette assured, cutting Alex off before he could finish the apology. “Do not feel bad for, how you say, jumping to conclusions.” they said, cracking a smile as they did so.

Alex chuckled at that, his throat beginning to loosen up. It was obvious Lafayette knew exactly how to use the expression, but it was still a bit comical for them to pretend otherwise. “I feel stupid.” Alex stated as he wiped a tear away from his eye.

“Non, non, do not feel stupid. I think you were just being... cautious. You have grown too used to people betraying your trust, little one.” Lafayette said, scooting just a hair closer. “May I hug you?”

Alex scrubbed at his eyes with his jacket sleeve, nodding in response. “Yeah, I would like that.”

Lafayette smiled with relief, and slowly wrapped their arms around their foster sibling. “Next time you are scared I might hurt you, will you talk to me about it?”

Alex moved away from the armrest, curling into Lafayette’s side, and nuzzling his face into the crook of Lafayette’s neck. “Yeah.” He replied softly. “Yeah, I can do that.”


	17. Let Me Stay Here By Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is coming to terms with the idea of trusting those around him. John helps Alex make the first step towards opening up about what happened.

_**“Please, stop…”** Alex breathed out pleadingly, his wrists tugging painfully at the ropes binding him to the bedposts. By now, his skin was raw, and he could feel little dribbles of blood trailing down his forearm. “ **Please, I’m sorry!”** He begged once again. He couldn’t see anything past the tears, not that it mattered. He was facing the headboard, propped up on his knees. He couldn’t see even if he wanted to._

_**“Now, Alexander. You have to be a good boy for me, or I’ll make you wear the gag again."**  The eerie calm of George King’s voice sent shivers down Alex’s spine._

_**“No!”** He croaked, the tears streaming down his cheeks even more._

_“ **Then stop making so much noise.”** George chided before trailing a hand down Alex’s aching back._

_Alex shuddered at the hand, but willed his body to go slack. With a small sniffle, and a bite into his lip, his body finally relaxed._

_**“That’s a good boy, Alexander.”** George cooed softly in his ear. Without warning, Alex felt a sharp slap run across his back, the crack of a whip echoing out into the room.  
  
  
_

 

* * *

  
  
  


Alex’s eyes shot open, going straight into a panic. He went to sit up, only to register a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders. He wriggled as best he could, fighting the embrace. The arms fell away with ease, and Alex fell to the floor with a loud thud.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

The feminine voice caught him off guard, and a hand landed on his shoulder. He instinctively shrunk away from the touch, unconsciously letting out a whimper as he did so.

“Mom petite, you are safe! Martha just dropped something, that is all.” He heard a soothing french accent say.

Alex whipped his head around, only now realizing Martha and Lafayette staring at him with worried eyes. It all came flooding back. They had watched a movie, and Alex had fallen asleep with Lafayette holding him. He nervously inspected the floor by Martha; A clipboard with a few papers lain forgotten behind her. Alex lowered his head, ashamed to have become so worked up over something so small. “Sorry.” He half-mumbled.

“Oh sweetie, don’t apologize! I am _so_ sorry for startling you.” Martha hesitantly rushed to his side, crouching down to his level. “Are you alright, Alex? Nothing hurt?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I’m fine. It didn’t hurt.”

Martha sighed with relief. “That’s good. I’m glad.” She stood back up, and reached a hand out. “Dinner is just about done. Are you feeling up to eating?”

Alex looked at her outstretched hand for moment before deciding to take it. She pulled him up, helping him to his feet. The thought of food sounded awful, but he knew he had to eat. Martha had gone through the trouble of making food for them every night; The least he could do was make sure it didn’t go to waste. “Yeah, I can eat.” He replied softly.

Martha smiled warmly, then turned to pick up her clipboard and papers. “Well then, get washed up you two!” She said bending over and gathering the paperwork into a stack. “And help set the table after, won’t you?”

“Oui, of course mon Mère!” Lafayette exclaimed, standing up and stretching his arms. Martha trotted off with her clipboard back into the hall, leaving the boys alone. Lafayette took a step closer to Alex, closing the gap between them. “Come, petite Alex! I am starving!”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You’re always starving, Laf.” He teased with a small smile.

Lafayette placed a their palm on their chest, faking offense to the statement. “How many times must I say this? I am still growing!”

Alex shook his head dismissively. “Alright, come on, you baguette. Let’s go.”

Dinner went by mostly calm. Alex was thankful no one made any comments on how little he ate. He knew he should have tried harder to eat more, but the feeling of chili in his mouth made his stomach churn each time he went to swallow. Martha was now in the kitchen, rinsing off the dishes from the meal. She had excused the teens for the evening, but Alex felt guilty leaving her to clean up on her own. He had tried to insist on helping, but no matter his efforts, Martha wouldn’t have it. Knowing this was a losing battle, he gave in. He went upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him. His plan was to write in his journal, but then he remembered he promised to call John.

Alex felt his heart soften a bit. Maybe talking to John would help him feel a bit better? He slipped his phone from his pocket, turned the screen on, and pulled up the john’s contact. Right as he went to hit the call button, he felt himself hesitate.

_Why do I feel so okay with trusting him?_ Alex pondered to himself. _John hasn’t done anything to really break my trust, so what am I hesitating for?_  He argued back. There was something deep in the recesses of his being that kept holding on to the idea of everyone being trustworthy, and another part on the surface telling him they were lying, tricking him into believing in that hope. George had been so adamant about them being nice solely for the purpose of genuinely caring. Alex had never taken a leap of faith before, but now, with his finger hovering over that call button, those deeply buried instincts were telling him to do just that.

_Fuck it._ He thought, pressing the button and bringing the phone up to his ear before he could regret the choice. Alex had already been through the worst possible scenarios. If his leap of faith were to knock him down, then so be it.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


**_Earlier that day…_ **

 

 

Alex _texted_   him. Alex fucking _texted_   him. He asked if he could talk later, and fuck, John was ecstatic about it. Entirely restless, and eagerly awaiting the promised phone call, John took to drawing. He started with small sketches; A few little turtles, some chibi-style birds, and some Steven Universe fanart doodles. After a while, it became apparent Alex wasn’t going to be calling for a while, so, he started on some more detailed things. One nearly complete doodle of John and all his friends later, he started to worry. His Abuela would call him down for dinner soon, and he couldn’t bear the thought of missing the chance to talk to Alex.

Just as he thought it would never happen, his phone rang. He practically jumped the moment it went off, answering it without a second thought.

“Hello?” He said meekly after finally getting the phone pressed against his ear.

“Hey, it’s me.” Alex replied, and god, did John enjoy hearing his voice.

“Hey, yourself! What’s up? You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah… are you somewhere private?” Alex’s tone sounded off, and that worried John.

“Yeah, I’m in my room. Is something wrong? Are you okay?” John tried to keep the worry out of his voice. It was hard, knowing what he did about the previous day.

“I’m fine. I just… wanted to hear your voice.”

John blushed hard, a smile creeping onto his face. “It’s nice to hear your voice too.” He answered honestly, wishing the fluttery feeling in his chest could last forever. The only problem was, wishes rarely came true.

“So, listen, can I tell you something?” Alex asked, a noticeable amount of anxiety tickling his tone.

“Sure.” John replied, moving from his desk to lay on his bed. “You can tell me anything.” He stated firmly.

“And you wont repeat it?”

The question caught John off guard, but he could tell this was Alex’s way of asking for his trust. “Of course, dude. You know you can trust me.”

Alex sighed. “Yeah… I can trust you.” He repeated, the comment sounding like it was more to remind himself of the fact. “Thomas and I… kind of… _made out.”_

The fluttery feeling that had been taking up space in John’s stomach all but vanished. It mattered not that he was already aware of this; It still felt like the wind had been knocked from his lungs hearing it from Alex himself. “O-oh.” Was all John could say.

“And then I freaked out and ran away…?”

John could feel jealousy creeping back in, but pushed it down. Alex needed him right now. “Okay, can I ask why?”

He heard a bit of movement, probably just Alex doing the nervous shuffle he always did when a difficult topic came up. “You remember what I told you on Christmas Eve?”

“Yeah.” John replied, recalling that tender moment between them. Deep down, it served as a painful reminder that they hadn’t been as close lately as they were back then. “You’re talking about your old foster father, right?”

“Y-yeah… I just…” Alex paused. “I didn’t want to dirty him, John.”

The confession hit John like a truck. Did Alex really think of himself as dirty? Surely he understood that it hadn’t been his fault, but then again, Alex carried an abnormal about of guilt and shame, as opposed to the average person. “I don’t think you’re dirty.” He said softly, in hopes Alex would change his mind. It hurt John to hear how Alex thought of himself. To him, Alex was brighter than anyone he’d ever known.

“Yeah, but that’s because you don’t understand…” Alex said with a breath of frustration. “you don’t know what I’ve done.”

“Then make me understand.” John challenged. “Tell me what it is that makes you think you’re dirty. I promise you, nothing you could tell me would make me change the way I feel about you.”

_Oh god, what did I just say!_

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself, causing him to turn pink. He held his breath, hoping that Alex wouldn’t catch on to the deeper meaning behind his words. His heart was racing now, but luckily, Alex was just as oblivious to his feelings as he had always been.

“Are you sure..?”

_Oh thank god._ John thought with relief.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

John waited for what felt like an eternity. He heard Alex shuffle again, and right as he could feel his heart begin to slow down, Alex spoke again.

“Okay, but not now. Is that okay? It’s been… a long day.”

“Of course. Don’t force yourself, Alex. I don’t want you to share anything you aren’t ready for.” John felt an immense sense of pride over Alex for being so open with him. In the past, Alex had the tendency to avoid anything relating to his past, or would draw attention away from his more emotional side, by masking it with sarcasm and snarky comments. The fact that Alex had made an effort to talk about how he was feeling, but also promise to actually come clean about his trauma, was groundbreaking in itself.

“I have to go.” Alex said.

“Alright. We’ll talk more later, ‘Kay?” John replied.

“Okay.”

“Bye, John.”

“See you.”

The phone call ended, leaving John even more worried than he was before. He was proud of Alex, but he could see Alex had a long way to go before he could heal from his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS  
> seriously between moving states, holiday season, and juggling home stuff, it's just been wack over here. NEVERTHELESS I am finally at a place that I can resume working on this!


	18. When You Knock Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we explore a bit of Hercules' home life.

Hercules got home later than planned the night before, so he’d barely slept a mere four hours when his alarm went off. It’d been a restless night as well; his thoughts circling around Alex and Lafayette. His best friend always seemed to put blame on themself, despite it almost never actually being their fault. Alex went through some awful stuff too, things that made Hercules feel like his life had been a cake walk. They both had been dealt such hard cards in life, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried for them. He pushed the thoughts aside, groaning as he sat up in bed. It was more of a mattress really, something passed down from his parents when they got a new one. Not that he minded. No, he was grateful for it, new or not.

Not a spare minute to dwell on things, though; It was time to start the day. Hercules went through the motions, just as he did almost every weekend. Get dressed, set his homework aside for later, get the younger kids up, make breakfast, make sure everyone gets their chores done, keep an eye on Allen- he always seemed to get into trouble around the same time, everyday, without fail- help Jojo with her violin practice, get lunch ready before his Dad gets home from work, hand off Hugh to Kathryn, and lastly, get ready for work.

By the time Hercules got home from his shift at the local Burger King, the day had gone by faster than he would have liked. It was already ten P.M. and he felt entirely exhausted. Pushing through his exhaustion, he checked in with Kathryn to make sure the little ones had bathed and gone to bed. Once that was taken care of, he noticed the empty feeling in his stomach, a loud growl notifying him that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. His mother had made dinner hours ago, which was a miracle in itself. With her Fibromyalgia, it made it hard for her to do much more than sleep. Not that she slept well anyway, the Fibro made that hard for her too. The food had gone cold in his absence, so he heated a plate for himself in the microwave, and put the rest of dinner away while he waited. By the time his food had finished cooking, and went to sit down with the bowl of butter noodles, somehow an hour had passed in the blink of an eye. He checked his phone, noticing he had a few Facebook notifications, but ignored them. Instead, he pulled up YouTube and began watching bootleg uploads of a cartoon he enjoyed, scooping the noodles into his mouth. His bowl didn’t have much in it, but he couldn’t complain. His mother had actually made food tonight; That was something to be thankful for. Hercules counted his blessings where he got them, as he always had. Sure, his life wasn’t ideal, but he would work towards a better one.

He had nearly finished the episode when he heard the click of a door opening.

“What’s all that _racket?!”_ Sarah, his mother, shouted to the room.

Hercules froze in place. Had the video been too loud? He shifted in his chair to look in the direction of her voice, a sinking feeling twisting his stomach. “Sorry, mom. I was just watching a show. I didn’t mean to wake-“

She stalked over to him, grabbing the phone off the table, anger present in her face.

“Mom!” Hercules shouted as she pocketed the phone.

“I could barely sleep today, with all the kids being as loud as usual. It’s _so_ late! you couldn’t have at least _tried_ to be quiet?” She scolded harshly.

Hercules tensed up from the tone in her voice. “It was an accident, I just wanted-“ he tried to defend.

“I don’t care! You _know_ I’m a light sleeper, Hercules!” Sarah shouted, cutting him off. She turned to head back to her room, only to be pulled at the wrist by her son.

“Wait, mom! I need the phone so I can use it as an alarm in the morning!” He pleaded, standing up from the kitchen chair.

She stopped, turning to face him, and yanking her hand from the loose grip. “You should have thought about that _before_ being so loud!” She snapped before retreating back to her room.

Hercules plopped back down in the chair, placing his face in his hands. He wracked his brain, trying to figure out a way to get himself up in time in the morning. He heard the click of her bedroom door again. He twisted in the chair towards the sound, hopeful that she would see reason, and give the phone back. Instead, she walked over, and slammed down an old  80's alarm clock on the table.

 **“There.”** She said with finality before retreating back to her room once more.

Hercules stared down at the alarm clock feeling defeated. He had hoped he would get the phone back, but for now, he was thankful he had a way to wake up in the morning.

 

* * *

 

Hercules wished he could go to bed, with being as exhausted he was, but he still had homework to do. So, he made his way to the bedroom he shared with Kathryn. She was in the bed adjacent to his, a book in her lap, and a slightly cracked pair of glasses perched on her nose. His heart ached seeing the crack. He wanted nothing more than to get her new ones. They had been cracked for some time now, and he had offered to replace them last month. Just as Hercules would have done, she had insisted he spend the money on buying new clothes for the smaller kids instead.

 

“Oh, hey, didn’t see you there.” She said placing a library receipt into the page she was on before closing the book. “You going to sleep?”

 

“Hey, Kat. Is that a new book?” Hercules asked, dodging the question. He really didn’t feel like getting the third degree right now, _especially_ from his younger sister.

 

“Yeah, I just got it yesterday. It’s really good so far! It’s about this girl with blue hair who lives a double life. She’s a normal teen for the most part, but she also collects teeth for these creatures called _Chimera.”_ She slipped the book onto the second-hand shoe rack they both used as a nightstand.

“Sounds… _interesting.”_   He commented, plugging in the old alarm clock. “What’s it called?” He asked, beginning to fiddle with the buttons, sitting down on his mattress. He didn’t have a box spring, but it didn’t bother him, aside from the occasional stiff back.

 _“ **Daughter of Smoke and Bone.** ”_ She replied, pulling her slightly tattered comforter over her legs. “It’s the first part of the trilogy.”

Hercules nodded to show he was listening. “That’s a cool title. Also, do you have the time?”

Kathryn snatched the old fourth generation iPod she used from her backpack off the floor by her bedside. “Eleven thirty-two.” She replied, quickly tucking the phone back into it’s pouch. Hercules finished up setting the clock to the correct time, while his sister took her glasses off and put them down on the rack. “Well anyway, I’m going to sleep. Don’t stay up too late, okay?” Kathryn said. She didn’t wait for a reply, rolling over to face the wall.

Hercules smiled forlornly at his sister’s figure, tucked into the nearly decade-old bedding. Another thing he needed to replace. As he grabbed his homework, as well as a pencil, off the nightstand. He wondered if there were anything more he could do to provide for them. He knew it was foolish to think he should have been doing more for his siblings. As it was, he was stretched thin between caring for them, school, work, and managing to find time for his friends. Still, seeing each little thing in their lives that could be better made him all the more determined to try harder. He flicked his gaze from her down to his homework, still tired and worn from the day, and began filling them out.

After around an hour and forty-five minutes, he had everything just about done. He sighed deeply once the last section was finished, and set it on the nightstand. He laid down on his mattress, sleep calling to him the moment his head hit the pillow. As he drifted off into a dreamless slumber, he wondered when this life of his would get easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit close to my heart, as I did draw a bit of inspiration from my own life on a few aspects. I had a lot of fun writing and tweaking the details of this episode, and I hope you guys like it!


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